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Jan 9, 2018

WATCH: Man Releases Squirrel Into The Wild: Shocking!

Imagine taking an injured animal into your home, raising like your own beloved pet, nursing it back to health. Then...

Nov 24, 2016

Thanksgiving Sucks

[NOTE: This post, “Thanksgiving Sucks” was written in 2014 by Matt Pass, a former Regretful Morning scribe. Matt, if you’re...

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Apr 5, 2015

Scarecrow Sex Kills Man

Neighbors of a shepherd in Argentina were shocked to discover what appeared to be two dead bodies on the property....

Apr 2, 2015

4 Famous Moments Not in the Original

A famous piece of pop culture can be adapted in endless ways: A film could be remade in another country,...

Feb 9, 2015

4 Basic Human Things (I Can’t Do)

I’ve been a human for 25 years and, man, I still don’t have the hang of it. I mean I’m...

Jan 26, 2015

4 Best Winter Things

Winter sucks. Your car windows are always frozen shut, your dong shrinks (even though it’s normally, like, totally huge) and...

Jan 10, 2015

Hot Dating Tips 2015!

It’s 2015. Hasn’t anybody told you that yet? The 2000s are fifteen years old, which means they’re beginning to go...

5 Reasons Gift Cards Suck

At a certain age I decided that I’d prefer cash to birthday gifts–the ability to get what I actually wanted,...

Dec 25, 2014

Word(s) of the Year: 2014

2014 is coming to an end, and it is an important time for top word authorities, by which I  ...

Dec 17, 2014

3 Insane Court Decisions

Court is a hassle that I don’t wish for anybody to deal with (like I did). There are rescheduled hearings,...

Dec 12, 2014

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Dec 5, 2014

You Have a Dirty Mind (So Do These Ordinary Items) [15 pics]

It’s a magical feeling when you see something that looks like something else: a cloud that looks like an elephant,...

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Nov 27, 2014

Don’t Get Trampled Today: 4 Black Friday Tips

Sure, Thanksgiving sucked, but not as much as Black Friday will. I don’t go shopping on Black Friday, or ever,...

Nov 26, 2014

Man Points Banana at Police; Is Not Shot To Death

Surely you’ve already been bombarded with news about the Feguson decision (in which a police officer who shoot an unarmed...

Nov 13, 2014

How Debt Collectors Can Get Us to Answer Their Calls

While I hate when debt collectors call, it also gives me a brief feeling of power. We have the ability...

Nov 10, 2014

6 Things to NEVER Say to Comedians

The first time I got on stage to tell jokes was September 2012, at a Philadelphia bar called Noche. When...

Nov 7, 2014

What Working Overnight Does to You

I’ve written about my day job before: once about the consequences of sleeping with a co-worker and again about the...

Oct 10, 2014

4 Bizarre Horror Movie Merchandises

Alright boys and ghouls–it’s October, which means Halloween is right around the corner. I love Halloween. I like Halloween more...

Sep 15, 2014

4 Types of People Who Don’t Use Facebook

After high school I noticed a trend of friends using pseudonyms on Facebook: instead of their last name, they would...

Oct 29, 2012

Fast food robbery foiled

“Give me all da money.” “LoL GTFO” *closes window*...

Oct 11, 2012

The next Tony Hawk

A few kick flips and you’ll be ready for the pros....

Apr 9, 2012

When’s the last time your manhood got laughed at?

For me it was today when I took a piss....

Mar 27, 2012

Pop the hood, let me have a look

When’s the last time you had an oil change?...

Feb 24, 2012

Annoying subway skank gets scolded by angry dad

Some type of Asian prostitute starts walking around a subway hand rail with half of her ass hanging out.  After...

Dec 17, 2011

Icy steps claim several pedestrians

I never thought that watching people slip and fall on ice while Rammstein was blaring could tickle me like it...