Huge Space Ships Are Heading Toward Earth?

I’ve read three articles today about some type of giant objects just beyond Pluto that are heading toward Earth at unusual speeds.  The UFO enthusiasts claim that this was the reason for SETI being shut down last year.   Before you take a dump in your shorts, let’s take a look at the image.

Unfortunately, my knowledge of space is only what I get from watching Neil DeGrasse Tyson videos on Youtube and he doesn’t cover blue looking space fish.  Amateur astronomers have a theory though.

At the present time the object(s) are beyond the orbit of Pluto. It is estimated that the objects are in the neighborhood of 150 miles across by 30 to 50 miles wide. Not long ago a Russian Mars probe photographed an object fitting this description just before it was destroyed for unknown reasons. Later, an American Mars probe was destroyed just before it reached that planet.

So a bit bigger than the state of Rhode Island.  That’s all fine and dandy and I’m almost at the point where I want to start taking this seriously, but they lose me here.

Speculation about just what these objects may be, range from Ark ships that are coming to take away some people just before a cataclysmic event strikes earth. Another speculation suggest that we are about to be invaded and the peoples of Earth forced into slave labor to mine certain rare elements. We may be plundered or saved. Either way the near future is yet to unfold.

Listen you dicks; I have watched Ancient Aliens while high. My imagination is better than yours. Stop with the “we will be slave labor” bullshit.  For starters, they can travel between star systems which means that telling us to go harvest shit for them is like training a dog to build a house.  Sure you might get him to fetch you a nail gun, but it’s a lot easier to do it yourself.

And let’s be totally honest.  If a spaceship proved to be hostile we’d be swinging nukes like Lexington Steele swings his dick in “Black Mother Fuckers part 1.”  Yea, we’d unleash a ton of power, but we wouldn’t stick around for clean up.  What I’m saying is: We’ll all die from our own nukes before ET can stick is ring finger in our assholes (which is unfortunate because I’m down to try new stuff).

Also, yes SETI was shut down, but not by the men in black.  They simply ran out of money.

In closing, I do want to know what these objects are and would be interested to know if we did lose probes out there for “unknown” reasons.  If you have the answers, unleash them below.