4 Easy Steps In Banging a Bridesmaid

||

Summer is wedding season and wedding season means that you might actually put your penis into a good looking girl for a change.  You see, when women are at weddings, they start to fantasize about their own wedding someday.  This releases estrogen, which makes you, as a dude, look better to them.  Today we’re going to capitalize on that burst of estrogen so that you can have a cool “dude last summer I banged a hot bridesmaid” story.

 

Make Sure She Always Has a Drink


Most weddings are open bar.  If they aren’t, you shouldn’t be there anyway.  Keep a few dollar bills handy and toss them in the jar while the bartender is looking.   By the end of the night he will know what you want, and have it ready.  Hone in on the BM….ugg I’m already tired of typing “bridesmaid” so I thought I would shorten it by typing BM.  But BM is short for bowel movement so I guess I’m stuck typing the whole word….

Hone in on the bridesmaid you want to bang, and get all the boring stuff out of the way.  Single, favorite drink, etc.   Once you know what she likes, and you’ve established a relationship with the bartender, you will only be gone for a few minutes while grabbing drinks.  And that’s not enough time for another sancho to roll in and steal your game.

Subtle Compliments


The bride is going to be getting most of the compliments that day, so this is a great way to tell her how she looks.  “You realize you’re going to be a beautiful bride right?”  Quick one liners like this are often looked at as cheesy, but cheesy often works.  Especially since she’s on her 3rd Daiquiri.

Dance


Suck at dancing?  Doesn’t matter.  Bitches love dancing, so you need to get out there and cut some rug like John Travolta in any one of his 80’s movies.  The point here is that she’s having a good time, and it’s with you.  Two left feet won’t make a difference.

Hotel


Have your exit strategy planned out.  If you guys are staying at the same hotel, hit the lobby bar for a few drinks.   If she has to leave directly after, offer to be her ride.  The point here is to get that ovulating ass back to your hotel room.  However depending on how drunk and slutty awesome she is, you might be able to sneak one in right there at the reception.

Conclusion:

I got dibs on far left

 

Weddings are like viagra for women.  As long as you cover these very basic steps, you should be about 2 tablespoons lighter by the end of the night.

REGRETFULMORNING Writer
REGRETFULMORNING Writer
    • More From Us