Ask a girl: Turning a one night stand from awkward into awesome


Hayley Quinn will be our new resident sexpert. Basically, she’ll be just like me but she has a vagina, and her advice will probably help you, unlike mine.

This is her, be nice.

So you went out to a bar, had a couple of drinks, seduced a hot college girl (don’t worry I’ll be covering how you do this in later articles) and now you’ve woken up next to her in your bed.

This is not a morning to regret – yet.

However, it could be, unless you establish some slick post-lay tactics to keep her coming back for more and not having a huge ‘what was I thinking’ moment at 9am.

Whilst I’m sure you look hot at 9am, after five shots of tequila and an all night sex session be wary of these few morning after clangers that can prevent this ever happening again:

No communication: There are some obvious pitfalls to you not speaking to her, or not communicating effectively, the morning after:

If you don’t offer any ‘after care’ service, she’ll feel that she has had to do ‘the walk of shame’. Take it from a girl, there is nothing fun about quietly letting yourself out of a guy’s house and having to creep home wearing the exact same clothes from the night before. Especially if those clothes happen to be five inch stilettos and a corset.
She may never leave. Big problem.

In all seriousness, not being able to string a sentence together, and at least some normal, friendly conversation, communicates to her that you’re uncomfortable with sex. If you feel awkward then she will too. People are like particles and so often give back exactly the same energy that they’ve been given. So if you come across as uncomfortable with the situation (of her waking up in your bed) then she’ll feel uncomfortable too. And no girl wants to hook up with a guy who is ‘weird’ after sex. We want men that are confident and at ease with their sexuality. So instead of ‘sleeping’ as she picks her clothes up and tip-toes out of your room, please be man enough to say:

“Hey, good morning, hope you slept ok? I’ve got a killer headache- I think that’s your fault from encouraging me to drink so much tequila! Here, let me get you a towel so you can grab a shower.”

This statement leads me nicely onto my next point:

Not leading: By leading I mean ‘taking the masculine initiative to take control of the situation’. Not leading is having no clue about what to do with this naked stunner, and so (in your panic) pandering to her every need, and asking her infinite questions about what she wants to do.

Just like not speaking much at all, having no sense of purpose, no plan, the morning after communicates to her that you’re not accustomed to this situation, and that you’re not comfortable with sex.

See how bad this sounds:

Her: “Good morning.”

You: “Hey, good morning, how are you feeling?”

Her: “A little hungover I guess!”

You: “Oh no, can I get you some Tylenol? Aspirin?”

Her: “No it’s ok I’ll survive.”

You: “Ok, how about some coffee? Or I can run to the store and get you some juice?”

Her: “It’s fine, I don’t want you to put yourself out. Besides, I should get to work.”

You: “Ok well if you’re sure. How about I give you a lift? Or would you prefer me to call a cab?”

This is an extreme version, but people do this all the time. And guess what? If this is how you behave, you’ll encounter similar problems to if you don’t communicate at all:

Your extreme ‘after care’ service will have her feeling awkward. Your lack of decision making will make her feel uneasy as you appear inexperienced in handling post-lay situations.
She may never leave. Big problem.

So let’s look at this constructively. You can still be cool, caring and conversational without appearing needy:

Her: “Good morning.”

You: “Hey, good morning, how are you feeling?”

Her: “A little hungover I guess!”

You: “Ok, now, based on how you were throwing those shots back last night I’m guessing you have no qualms with taking a few aspirin now. Here *hand her the packet*”

Her: “Oh, ok, thanks.”

You: “No problem. Look, I’m going to make myself some coffee and some toast; if you’ve got a moment before work I think you should join me. Three aspirin and no breakfast is a bad combination!”

Her: “Yeah, that would be nice. I’ll just have black coffee if that’s ok?”

You: “Sure. I’ll fix that up whilst you grab a shower. Then I’ll call a cab for you, so we can both be on time today.”

She should respond well to you having a plan. People will naturally comply, if you exhibit enough comfort with your decisions. This also allows you to arrange the morning after just as you want it, and at no stage does that mean you have to be a jerk. Keep your tone of voice friendly and calm and she will respect the decisions you make.

No Morning Sex: Ok there is an exception to this if you’re both physically ill the next day, but for god’s sake if she is stroking your back and snuggling up to you the next morning then have sex again! You’re not a professional football player, you will be ok to have sex before work! There are so many good reasons for this:

Give her some good sex memories, especially if the night before was acted out in a drunken haze.
You don’t want to appear uncomfortable with sex without your beer goggles on.
Waking up fifteen minutes earlier to accommodate for this, is well worth it if she leaves with a smile on her face, and an increased desire to come back again.

So remember get your ‘post-lay’ tactics down so that in a few months time, when I’ve helped to teach you how to get really good at picking women up, you can handle all the hot women you’ll be bringing home.

Hayley Quinn Xx

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