Medicated hot mama gets 2 refills

Name: Anon Girl
Age: 18

So I am taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds which, when mixed with alcohol, increase its effects. So I pretty much black out every time I party.

One night I was at my friends house and she was having a kickback but there was a LOT of booze, and I drank a lot of that booze. So before I know it I’m on the couch having sex with some guy. I had obviously blacked out, and come to right in the middle of sex. I did not plan on having sex that night and I didn’t really want to. So, when I came to, needless to say I was pretty surprised. I actually made him stop and I got up and left the room.

He had a little bit too much to drink that night too, so he heads to the bathroom to puke his guts out, where he stayed the rest of the night. Next moments I remember are making out with some other guy, and then I black out again. When I come to this time I’m on that same couch, fucking the second guy. I make him stop too, and get up and leave the room.

I have no idea where he went, but he left the room so I went back to the couch to go to sleep. What makes it worse was both of them were still at the house in the morning… awkward!!!

Dear anonymous chick, you are the total package. I seriously want to marry you. You pop pills, get hammered, and bang random dudes all in one night, sweet! That’s like summoning a truck load of awesomeness and crashing it into the worlds largest sand castle.

PS – Don’t you dare let anyone call you a whore. Just keep doing what you’re doing. (Also email me if you’re in the San Diego area)

Horacio meets a Sasquatch (nipple)

Name: Horacio Sanchez
Age: 18

At the start of my freshman year of college I was a virgin and although not a fat ugly freak I was not exactly a game spitter.

One night of drinking in the dorm rooms introduced me to a FUGLY red head. She was skinny and pail but had red hair and had decent boobs.

So I decided to try to get it on with her in my dorm room. I was sufficiently grossed out by her face so I went straight for the boobs. I pulled a boob out and almost vomited.

There was a single LONG (3 inches at least) curly RED hair growing out of her nipple. I immediately froze in terror and I remember her saying “Whats wrong?” I got up and said I was to drunk to hook up and left her sitting on my bed. I’m not sure where I ran to as I’m pretty sure I blacked out from the terror.

To this day thinking about it makes me slightly queezy.

Dear Horacio, You probably did what we all would have done when being confronted by a nipple curly.  Your virginity was on the line though, so you could have done a few things different.  For example; you could have pulled it out for her, then when she winced in pain you could’ve said something like “oh I didn’t think that was one of yours.”  That would have made it look like you cared, while pointing out that she needs to do something about the Sasquatch on her areola.

This story was submitted as an entry for The Fixers ‘hook up gone wrong ‘ contest.  You can submit your own hook up story here for a chance at an AXE prize pack.

Trailer park puking (with a big girl)

Name: Eric R

Age: 19

The party bounced back and forth between neighboring trailers. The pickin’s were slim and the competition for booty was high. Being the stud that I am I bragged to my buds how I would be hittin one of the two prime hotties that were there.

Being low on booze I knew I had to step up to the plate and go score something cheap and potent that would last the night. I returned with a half gallon of beams choice only to discover that the hotties were gone and the only people remaining were my little brother, his friend, and “Karen”. Karen is the girl that nobody does. She always seemed to show up just to make the ugly girls look good. I’m sure inside she’s a beautiful person but her misshapen body, huge eyebrows, off kilter eye and hideous laugh made it hard to see.

Anyhow….yea, I ended up doing Karen although it comes back real blurry from the beams choice. Seems she’s into giving hickies and it looked like I barely survived a linching. When I woke up I headed to my buddy Joe’s to see where the party went and if anyone nailed hot Michelle.

It was obvious the party moved to Joe’s from the smoldering bon fire out back and the hung over bodies huddled around the picnic table. As I sat Michelle gave me a warm smile and asked me if I got lost last night. Everyone seemed to be staring at the wounds on my neck when Karen strolled in and sat on my lap.
As I realized people were connecting the dots and the smell of Karens armpits hit me, I suddenly upchucked into her lap. I was forever marked.

Dear Eric, what you did was admirable.  Taking one for the team deserves credit from your peers.  Think of it as a war medal.  Taking one for the team and vomiting on her lap is basically like getting a purple heart.

This story was submitted as an entry for The Fixers ‘hook up gone wrong ‘ contest.  You can submit your own hook up story here for a chance at an AXE prize pack.

A Hot teacher, a mean GF, and a taser

Name: Craig

Age: 21

When I was in school I waited till my freshman year to take health.  So first day of highschool I walk in to health class and see this amazingly hot teacher to whom i will only refer to as miss kenjura.

Blonde, about 125 lbs, 32yr old and the most amazing tits you’ve ever seen.  So all four years of highschool I take health just so i can stare at this amazing hot teacher.  I’ll be honest I made an attempt to hit on this lady about once a week, but of course she would always give me the cold shoulder.

Well about a year after I graduate me and my buddy are in this bar when you know it shes sitting right there across the bar.  I spent the whole night giving it everything I had to try and get this chick to give me something.  Finally after 3 hrs of laughing and talking about old times she invites me back to her place.
So we get there go in her house, well I’m about to start crying from excitement right.  We start making out and I begin to think about all the years of waiting and thinking how close I am when all of a sudden there’s a knock on the door.

She freaks out and starts trying to get me out the back door when the door bust open and this fine ass red headed chick comes in(even bigger tits!) and is all like “what the hell is goin on” oh hey Laura i thought u weren’t coming back till next Friday.

Naturally I’m stunned with excitement.  Right when I’m about to suggest that she joins us the chick whips out a tazer and shocks my ass she throws me outside and tells me next time it will be a gun.

Well there you go, the teacher I had the hots for all through highschool was bi, and I was right there on the border line of paradise when some redheaded chick named laura with huge tits kicks my ass.

Dear Craig, Your story was like a fairy tale up until the end.  Take notes: Anytime you’re at a female’s place and she gets nervous when someone is at the door, you should bail.  99% of the time it’s a 250 lbs boyfriend who can eat trees and lift up a flat bed truck.  You sort of lucked out that her boyfriend had a vagina, this could have been worse.

This story was submitted as an entry for The Fixers ‘hook up gone wrong ‘ contest.  You can submit your own hook up story here for a chance at an AXE prize pack.

Yahoo date ends in disaster

Name: Albert

Age: twenties

I married a woman off of Yahoo chat after talking to her for 3 months. She turned out to be a fat hairy coke addict with a whiny 10 year-old son. She had a face full of whiskers, blackheads and broken teeth, and a sagging belly full of stretch marks. She cheated on me with a crackhead/dealer that she let fuck her in the ass for his cocaine.

The marriage lasted 2 years. I gave up when she started disappearing into the night.

Dear Albert, you need to learn how to photoshop, heres why.  Anytime you meet a chick on Yahoo or Myspace you need to account for “internetz lbs” (those are the pounds women can hide via camera angles and lighting).  So just take the girl you’re talking to and add an extra chin and some saddle bags via photoshop, then you can ask yourself if it’s still worth it.  Sorry she ruined your life btw.

This story was submitted as an entry for The Fixers ‘hook up gone wrong ‘ contest.  You can submit your own hook up story here for a chance at an AXE prize pack.

Resident Big Girl Goes For Sausage

Name: John

Age: 19

I was in college about two and a half years ago. The guys across the hall from me had a party and I attended. I ended up dominating solo 99 cup against 4 guys. Needless to say, I got hammered.

At about 2am the party ended and I found myself commando crawling (on my stomach by my elbows) up and down the dorm with a friend looking for an unlocked door. We wanted to find an XBox so I could dominate him in drunken Halo. Failing, we decided to call it a night.

We grabbed showers about 4 stalls apart and proceeded to sing the worst version of ‘Brown Eyed Girl’ the world has ever heard. I forgot about my clothes and walked naked back to my room. My roommate, upset that I had punished him physically for giving away MY beer. decided to fuck with me. He took my clothes back to my room while I was passed out. He then text messaged the college’s resident big girl with my phone, and got her to come into the dorm.

I woke up the next morning receiving weird looks from everybody in the dorm. They had seen the big bitch walk into my room. I was passed out and had no idea who they were talking about.

I found out about 3 days later that my roommate let the girl into my room, where she proceeded to perform fellatio on me for 3 hours while I was passed out. I was fatty raped. Once I found out, I spent the next 4 hours in the shower with 3 bottles of axe snakepeel and a brillo pad. My junk cried that day.

Dear John, I have a hard time believing that you didn’t wake up.  This is a safe place so you can be honest.  You did infact wake up and loved every minute of it, am I right?

This story was submitted as an entry for The Fixers ‘hook up gone wrong ‘ contest.  You can submit your own hook up story here for a chance at an AXE prize pack.

Trent and the Girl with Gas

Name: Trent

Age: 21

Last year my buddy and his GF and I were all gonna go out to the bars.  She was trying to hook me up with her friend who wasn’t hot but I went for it anyway.  We hit it off pretty well and took things back to their apt.

So we were in her room and were hooking up when I started going faster.  I think I was anyway but we were pretty drunk.  So as we start to get into it I hear a fart noise.  I thought it was me at first so I just kept going.

But then it happened again and again.  So call me shallow but I couldn’t continue you after that because I was really disgusted.  I’m also certain she heard it.

Dear Trent, usually I would try to say something funny about girls who fart, but I think I will give you a crash course in sexual education instead.  Sometimes during sex, girls will queef.  These are sort of like farts but from another hole, and don’t smell as bad.  Well…most of the time.  I assume your lady friend was dancing up a storm in that sweaty bar all night, so getting a face full of queef was probably no picnic.  Props to you for trying to keep going after the first one.

This story was submitted as an entry for The Fixers ‘hook up gone wrong ‘ contest.  You can submit your own hook up story here for a chance at an AXE prize pack.

Teabagging: Serious Business

Name: Mike Litoris

Age: 20

Last year we were at my buddies house having a few drinks.  Then we started playing drinking games and one by one people left or passed out.

There was this one girl who was super stuck up.  Drove a Lexus that daddy bought and acted like she was better than the world.  One of my friends noticed she was passed out so we decided to get out the markers.

Then my friend wanted to one up everybody so he pulled out his junk and put it on her cheek.

Anyway the next day the bitch was hysterical because someone told her that some of the guys put their man meat on her face.  We heard there was like an investigation and they were going to try to press rape chargers or something.  Nothing ever happened though lol.

Dear Mike, I love your alias.  Also, while some people may try to tell you that what you did was childish and uncalled for, I need to let you know that you didn’t do anything wrong.  Asher Roth explains “don’t pass out with your shoes on”

Shoes on = fair game.

PS – Were her shoes actually still on?  Because if they weren’t I’d have to tell your friend that he’s a piece of shit.

I eff’d a girl and I liked it

Name: Kristina

Age: 21

Well remember that song by Katy Perry ‘I kissed a girl’ Yea well, I was before her.  I just turned twenty one and I was really shy.   My husband had been begging me to do a threesome.  I’m not bi and really wholesome and bashful so I kept refusing.  I was always a heavy drinker socially, the only bad thing I did (seriously).

I didn’t drink smoke steal lie or anything.  So My husband and a friend dared me to kiss this girl I figured what’s a lil peck?  So I did – She was such a good kisser.

We got a lil carried away and it ended up being a full out make out grope fest.  Well come to find out she was engaged and her BF actually tried to fight me! Whoa!  I was drunk feeling a little brave but not that brave, so I ditched the other girl and made myself scarce.

Well while playing drunk limbo, another girl dragged me into the woods.  She really pulled me off by my arm and I tripped over a tree root and she pulled me the rest of the way.  She was hott!  I was drunk and had already made out with one chick so I figured ‘whatever’.  Before it was over we were both butt naked in the woods and my husband caught us!!!

HAHAHA We all ended up doing it on someone else’s truck and he found us too!  What a night!  Pretty crazy, my brothers who were both there saw me too.  Another person told them what was happening and they discovered watching two chicks get it on is alot sexier when one of them isn’t your sister!

So me miss little wholesome country girl who goes to church every sunday discovered a little peice herself that I didn’t know existed.  My mom found out, my dad found out, OMG even my grandma found out.   I could never look that preacher in the eye after that.  I always suspected he knew too.

Small towns have really big mouths.  Hope I win the ressurect I’m still a pretty ummm rowdy drinker so I’d like to remember the things I do and wake up ready to do it again thanx!

Dear Kristina, thanks for writing in, I love stories with happy endings like yours!   Boy meets girl, boy marries girl, boy wants girl to be more sexually outgoing, girl becomes a total whore and her brothers accidentally watch her taco get munched in the back of a Chevy.  Also, your preacher isn’t disappointed in you, hes just butt hurt that the whole town got to see your bubble gum get chewed while he was at home watching Little House on the Prairie.

PS – The Resurrect contest ended like 6 months ago.  If they send us more I’ll let you know.

Sean’s Hairy Hair Lip Encounter

Name: Sean

Age: 24

Last year myself and 3 buddies headed to Vegas for the weekend.  We got a pretty cool room and started the night early.  A lot of shit went down that night and by 1am or so everyone is wasted.  We were also now accompanied by a group of girls that we had met earlier.

I was hooking up with a girl who seemed pretty cool at the time.  The music was kind of loud so we would just sort of make out every few min.

So all of the guys decide we should invite them back to our place, they accept.  I hooked up with the girl who had been clinging to me.  I am fairly certain I forgot to wear a rubber.

Upon waking up the next morning I looked over and noticed that when the sun light hit this girls face, there was actually like a mustache.  Not a few fuzzies like some girls get, there was actual hair.  Then at breakfast I noticed that her lip was fucked up too.  Yes she had a hair lip and talked somewhat muffled.  I honestly thought she was talking that way because she was so drunk.

Here comes the worst part.  As they were leaving everyone was doing the awkward number exchanging.  She asked me for mine so I did what anyone would have in my position, and I gave her the wrong number.  Unfortunately she then says “here let me call you then you will have mine”.  Instead of realizing I gave her the wrong number on purpose she asks what the number is again.

I’m like “oh shit I sometimes still give out my old number”.

My buddies said she looked like Sloth from Goonies so rest of the weekend I heard “HEY YOU GUYS!”

Dear Sean, lets look at the bright side for a moment.  You were an excellent wingman unknowingly, and you gave that poor girl the best night of her life.  Sure you messed up a bit at the end when it came to the number exchange, but anyone could have made that mistake.   Some say “if you haven’t placed your penis into something that could pass as sloth from the Goonies then you really haven’t lived.”  You my friend, have lived.

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