Tribute to girls in referee outfits
October 26, 2009
Last Halloween I was super lazy so I bought a referee shirt and a whistle before we hit the bars. Surprise surprise, I wasn’t the only one. Thankfully most of the other refs were babes so it gave me some good opportunities to use lines like:
“whoa we have same costume lets take a pic!”
“We’re like twins, lets do a shot”
“You look better than me lets fuck” (didn’t actually use this one but I should have).
10 Naughty NSFW Pumpkin Pics
October 24, 2009
There’s nothing that says ‘Happy Halloween’ better then a jack-0-lantern spreading his ass cheeks so that we can enjoy the sight of his candle lit cornhole. Here are 10 examples of people who gave their pumpkins a rated R dash of flavor.
Bonus! 2 Pumpkins, 1 Cup
6 Ways the Internet F’s Up Your Life
October 23, 2009
Most of us wouldn’t know how to function if we woke up tomorrow without access to the internet super webosphere highway of lulz. Everything from telling coworkers they suck via IM, keeping in touch with family via status update, and firing a giant load without having to open a Playboy are extremely easy via the net. We won’t waste our time telling you the countless ways internet makes your life better, we’d rather be negative.
Cyber Sex
Honestly, we can see how black text on a white screen spelling out specific sex acts in extreme detail could be sexy. Maybe. Realistically, what may also be the case is that you just cybered a 400 lb guy with four inches of back-hair. How sexy do you feel now? If we’re really lucky, your performance was documented by Blood Ninja
You Have No Real Privacy
If you use your real name on the Internet, people can google you, order background reports, search your job history, etc. You only have to reveal it once. Say hello to your new Internet-stalkers and kiss your privacy goodbye. Simple personal privacy is a thing of the past for most people. Go ahead, google yourself. I’ll wait.
It’s 24/7
We’re really into instant gratification and pride ourselves for being in the know, but sometimes it gets out of hand. Social networks on the Internet operate around the clock and you don’t want to miss a beat. How can you sleep before you know the final score? If you’re missing out on sleep or skipping work to screw around on the Internet, you’ve got a monkey on your back. Oh, and like most junkies, you’ll lose everything before you admit you have a problem. That doesn’t mean you’ll stop.
Internet Friends
Are your Internet friends real friends, or are they in a separate, somewhat lower classification of friendship than people you know in real life? Just because you haven’t met face to face doesn’t mean that you don’t know a person very well. Facts are that you may know more about your online-friends — and have a more open relationship with them — than their real-life friends do. However, friendships in cyberspace can also be less fun than setting your hair on fire. Who’s to say if your friend is a pathological liar, or turns out to be a psycho stalker? You never truly know until it’s too late.
Online Dating
Just as true friendships can begin over the Internet, romantic relationships can form just as easily. The Internet’s brought us dating sites, video-chat and even opportunities to arrange booty calls online. It also upped your chances of becoming involved in a long-distance relationship, and enduring the headaches that come along with one. It takes a lot of love, trust and commitment to keep a long distance relationship going, and it doesn’t hurt to actually have sex with the person, either. You’ll also want that unlimited calling plan while you try to figure out what to do about this mess you’ve gotten yourself into.
Gaming
If you’re looking to compete at even an intermediate level of online gaming, be prepared to flush hours of your life down the toilet. Online gaming is nothing like single player gaming. No one plays a game to have fun on the internet. Once you connect, you’ll be matched up against serious cyberwarriors, and if you don’t want to be the n00b cake everyone toys with, you’re going to need to put in some serious dedication. Online Gaming has ruined relationships since Duke Nukem 3D was playable on heat.net. But honestly, if you’re the best, do you even want a GF? Let’s ask the young man in the figure above.
Connecting With Your Emo Son
October 22, 2009
For many fathers, raising a child in the 21st century is not an easy task. Suggesting recreational activities that may have appealed to you as a child (monster truck racing/fishing/playing catch), might be met with eye rolling, a loud sigh, or even a temper tantrum.
Lucky for you, we’ve developed the My-Life-Sux-O-Meter. This patented device can be attached to your son in order to measure his excitement levels. So instead of having a conversation like this:
“Hey son would you like to go fishing?”
“You don’t fucking understand me at all dad!”
You can simply attach the device to your son and say the word “fishing.” From here you should be able to get an accurate excitement level reading, and you’ll be able to determine if the activity selected will appeal to your son. The higher meter levels are a good indication that your son will look forward to the suggested activity.
Let’s take a look at some examples:
Ski Trip With The Family
Go Carting With Uncle Roy
Go to the beach
Head to Macy’s for the eyeliner sale
Shopping at Hot Topic
Not convinced? Take a look at this testimony from Brad McCarthy.
Before we ordered the My-Life-Sux-O-Meter I was at a serious dead end with my son, but now things are really starting to look up. Just yesterday I brought home the new Fall Out Boy CD for my boy and he said I was “pretty chill.” Next month I’m taking him to get a signed Twilight DvD, we’re very excited!
17 examples of cute girls in Daisy Dukes
October 20, 2009
It’s safe to say that any girl who let’s her ass cheeks fall out of the bottom of her shorts, has a special place in every man’s heart.
4Chan Recruits Balloon Boy
October 16, 2009
Yesterday Balloon Boy got more coverage then every single news story this week. Later, Falcon (the 6 year old boy) blurted out that it was all for the show. Sure a lot of people were shocked and appalled, but the important thing to look at here is that we’ve got a promising young 4chan recruit.
21 Topless Chicks Making Out (nsfw)
October 14, 2009
When we make posts about chicks queefing, our advertisers tend to frown. When we post vids of them farting, they tell us “wtf”? I can only imagine what’s going to happen when they see this. But honestly, if something I stumble across makes my shorts swell, I should have to share it right? Enjoy pervs.
If Star Wars Were Remade Today
October 13, 2009
Nerd debate: If they had to remake the original Star Wars movies while using the same characters, who could pull off their role the best? We dug up some “that was then and this is now” style pictures to help you to decide.
Random Star Wars fact: George Lucas originally wanted to make 9 Star Wars movies, and back in the 70’s he asked Mark Hamill if he wanted to do a cameo in the last one.
‘Um, how’d you like to be in Episode IX?’ This is 1976. ‘When is that going to be?’ ‘2011.’ I defy anyone to add 36 years to their lives and not be stunned. Even an eight year old is like, ‘No, I’ll never be 47.’ So I did the math and figured out how old I’d be. I said, ‘Well, what do you want me to do?’ He said, ‘You’ll just be like a cameo. You’ll be like Obi Wan handing the lightsaber down to the next new hope.’ And I’m thinking, ‘I love the guy. If he wanted me to do light yard work at his house, I’d be out clipping the hedges.’ So I went, ‘Sure.’ But I thought he just realized that he’s going to be doing it the rest of his life and he’d rather not do that.” – Source
Conclusion: We’d still bang Carrie Fisher.
25 Hilarious Examples of Parents Saving $
October 12, 2009
As kids I’m sure you can remember that Halloween was one of the best holidays ever. Unfortunately, a lot of us had parents who didn’t feel it was necessary to have an awesome store bought costume like the rest of the kids. Long story short; we’d end up looking an aisle at Ross’s and an aisle at Toys R’ Us got smashed together and somehow shit us out. Here’s a montage dedicated to parents, their creative costume ideas, and the kids who have to wear them.
If there are any moms reading this listen up: We know you mean well, and we love you for that, but let your kid get the store bought costume he’s been talking about.
25 Hilarious Examples of Parents Saving A Buck On Halloween Costumes
7 Drinking Games From Around the World
October 8, 2009
When it comes to drinking games, anything goes. In the U.S., the Quarter Bounce, Bullshit, Shotgun, Moose, Fuck the Dealer, and Presidents and Assholes have all been favorites of many, but are now eclipsed by the popularity of younger rivals, like Beer Pong and Flip Cup. Some of us the States have become more than a little bored with Beer Pong, so we decided to look into the drinking games that people in other countries play. Maybe these games can even lead to some inspiration for our own party ideas — it’s worth a look.
Russia
We’ve all heard of Russian Roulette, the highest stakes drinking game in the world, but not all Russian drinking games are quite as intense. There are at least a couple that allow the drinkers to get their kicks, and get out alive.
Tiger has come or Enter the Dragon is a Russian drinking game that requires a lot of vodka, a table and cash. The weakest drinker starts out as the game leader, and he drinks only every other round, and holds his position until he passes out. A shot-glass of vodka is poured for each player as each antes up before the rounds hit the table. The game leader announces “tiger has come” or “dragon has entered,” at which point the players down their shots, then duck under the table and hide until the game leader says that the offending tiger or dragon is gone. As the game progresses, players who lose their balance coming out from under the table are eliminated. Winner takes all. Don’t think the winner too lucky a fellow, since he then hosts the next night of drinking — and provides the alcohol.
Bear Paw is also a popular drinking game in Russia, and it’s a bit cheaper. However, this game has no winners. An enormous beer mug is filled with beer and passed around, and wait for it — after each person drinks, the mug is topped off with vodka. This hilarious nonsense continues until everyone is passed out or the mug is full of pure vodka, at which point nobody would be left standing anyhow. If, by some miracle of alcoholism, the mug is full of vodka and players are still conscious, the mug continues to be passed around, this time topped-off with beer after every sip. This ridiculousness goes on until nobody is left awake.
Finger Guessing in China
Drinking is frowned upon in China, even more so than it seems to be in Amish country, so thirsty Chinese get together for parties as an excuse to play drinking games and get smashed. Sound familiar? One of the most popular drinking games in China is the finger-guessing game.
This one’s surprisingly simple: Players slyly make a shape with their fingers to represent a number between 1 and 20. Each player then tries to guess the total sum of all other players’ fingers. The closest guess is the winner, and the losers, of course, drink.
The alcohol of choice for Chinese drinking games is usually baijiu, a grain-based spirit with an alcohol content anywhere between 20 and 60 percent. Another favorite is Cantonese snake-wine, a potent, green concoction made by pickling snakes in a bottle of alcohol. A similar snake-wine is also popular in Vietnam.
Peer Pressure Ceremony in China
In Longi, China, guests at the Longi Rice Terraces are invited to rice wine ceremonies, hosted by the minority tribal villages of the Huang and Yao people. The local women sing before ambushing the guests and forcing them to knock back cup after cup of wine, in something similar to village-sized frat shots. The peer pressure is intense and the ladies constantly watch the glasses and refill them as soon as they are empty while ensuring the guests keep drinking. The ceremonies are as much a game for the hosts as for the guests, since the object is to get their chosen guests as drunk as possible, as quickly as possible. With this game, there’s fun to be had for all.
Rum and Jenga in Cuba
Many adults in Cuba play Dominos and card games while they gamble and drink, but Jenga and rum often come together at parties to form a drinking game. Discounting some regional variation, the participating Cubans basically play Jenga normally, except the consequences for mistakes are downing more rum. This goes on and on until the players are unable to even set up the pieces anymore, and a winner is declared.
Mexico
A drinking game called Pon/Toma is played in Mexico with a six-sided dreidel. The sides of the dreidel are labeled with pon uno, pon dos, pon todo, tom uno, tom dos, tom todo. These translate to “give one, give two, give all, drink one, drink two, drink all,” respectively. Players start with a full glass of liquor, and an empty glass is placed in the center of the table. Each player spins the dreidel. If it lands on pon uno, the player puts a shot of their own drink into the glass. Toma uno, on the other hand, means the player has to drink a shot from the glass. When a player lands on a todos, they have to either fill the glass, or drink what’s in it.
The UK
One notorious drinking game known throughout the UK has never been successfully played through to finish, as far as anyone knows. Drinkers watch the film Withnail & I and attempt to match the characters drink for drink. Pints of beer are downed at ludicrous-speed until the players are either comatose or can simply drink no more. Technically, the end of the game is the end of the movie. Nobody knows what happens at the end of the movie.
