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News - page 20

Jan 12, 2015

Man Finds Saturated Fat, Demon in his McDonalds

If you ever want a peek into a dark world of nightmares look no further than the ingredients list for...

Jan 8, 2015

“Comfyballs” Can’t be Sold in America Because We’re Prudish Children

A Norwegian underwear company was denied an American patent on their product, Comfyballs, because the name was too vulgar. What...

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Jan 6, 2015

The Inner Monologue of Kim Jong-un’s Pilot

Someone took the footage of Kim Jong-un flying a plane and added some Katy Perry.  It’s oddly entertaining.  A redditor,...

Dec 25, 2014

Jackie Chan Says Son’s Drug Arrest Has Shamed Him

Former Drunken Master and current anti-drug Ambassador for Beijing, Jackie Chan, has expressed that he is feeling shameful in the...

Dec 21, 2014

Grown Woman Becomes Annually Suicidal Because Santa is Fake

Call me insensitive, but I really don’t believe in things like “seasonal depression” so much as I believe in “being...

Dec 15, 2014

Three Day Old Baby Already More Famous Than You

All Hail Clare Elizabeth Keane. Having been born at 10:11 a.m. on December 13, 2014, Clare is one of probably...

Dec 8, 2014

Honey Boo Boo’s Sister Wants to Cure Your Ebola

When Honey Boo Boo became a thing, I was happy to ignore it. Child pageantry was not a new thing,...

Man Obtains Guinness World Record for Biggest Collection of Guinness Book of Works Rec — aaand I’ve Gone Cross-eyed

I’ve always thought the Guinness Book of World Records was stupid; Oh, you can clip more clothes pins on your...

Dec 3, 2014

Prop Painting in “Stuart Little” Turns Out to be Lost Masterpiece

Somewhere in the film Stuart Little hides a masterpiece. Its not the performance of a pre-House MD Hugh Laurie. It’s...

Dec 1, 2014

Naughty or Nice?

Ho ho holy shit: Santa Claus is finally Twitter savvy–and I can’t even count the number of times I’ve laid...

Dec 1, 2014

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Nov 26, 2014

Man Points Banana at Police; Is Not Shot To Death

Surely you’ve already been bombarded with news about the Feguson decision (in which a police officer who shoot an unarmed...

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Nov 24, 2014

Kirk Cameron Doesn’t Understand Rotten Tomatoes Ratings, Most Other Things

Nobody escapes youth stardom unscathed. Well, except maybe Kurt Russell, but he’s probably not human. Some get into drugs, many...

Nov 18, 2014

New App Makes Hitting the Snooze Button an Expensive Habit for Lazy Jerks Like You

On a given morning, I hit the snooze button about 50 times, give or take, opting to accept 9 minute...

Nov 18, 2014

Scientists Observe Penguins Being Raped By Seals

Scientists from the University of Pretoria have observed fur seals having sex with king penguins in the arctic. The first...

Nov 13, 2014

Polish Casket Maker Posts Pictures of Nude Models With Coffins (12 Pics)

Lindner is a company based in Poland which currently sells 11,000 coffins per month. These coffins are shipped throughout Europe....

Nov 12, 2014

Woman Lights Roommate on Fire For Throwing Away Her P’sghettis

I once had a roommate whom, if given the opportunity to do so without consequence, I would have happily killed....

Nov 10, 2014

Deceptively Demonic Dollar Store Toy Angers a Stupid Person

You can get a lot of cool stuff at a dollar store: plungers that don’t work, watches that don’t work,...

Nov 6, 2014

Gordon Ramsay’s Dwarf Porn Double Dies in the Funniest Way

I’m not the first and I won’t be the last to say it: Fuck Gordon Ramsay. Listen, I totally get...

Nov 4, 2014

Drunk Guy Tries To Eat His DWI Results

When the odds are stacked against you, go big or go home. That’s what 43-year-old Kenneth Desormes did after New...

Oct 30, 2014

Having Sex With A Lot Of Women Prevents Prostate Cancer

Have you placed your penis inside 20 or more vaginas?  Then I’ve got good news for you (assuming you gloved...

Oct 29, 2014

“Operation” Inventor Can’t Afford an Operation

John Spinello invented the classic board game Operation in 1964 and sold the design for a mere $500. Spinello now...

Oct 28, 2014

Area 51 Scientist On His Deathbed Says Aliens Are Real

In the summer of 1947 some sort of aircraft crash landed near Roswell, NM. Officer Walter Haut from the RAAF...

Oct 27, 2014

Chicks Dig Bad Boys … Like Ultron

If you’re anything like me, you’ve spent the last week or so worrying that you’d die before getting to see...

Oct 23, 2014

Florida Fatty Too Large To Fit In Cop Car

The Volusia County sheriff’s department was called to handle a domestic violence report near Jutland Street in Deltona. A 42-year-old...

Oct 22, 2014

An Open Letter to Hollywood Regarding Renee Zellweger’s New Face

Dear Hollywood, I get it. I really do. We’re all trying to make a buck, as is our right. As...

Oct 21, 2014

Wisconsin Man Arrested For Molesting People In Haunted House

After you’ve seen a good deal of haunted houses, they kind of stop being scary. We may have found one...

Oct 20, 2014

Female Varsity Soccer Coach Sends Entire Team His Snap Chat Dick Video

There are screw ups, there are colossal f*ck ups, and there blunders so big they’re off the scale. This is...

Oct 19, 2014

Paranormal Conference Visited By Aliens, Idiots

The Probe International Conference in Blackpool England is a gathering of folks interested in all things paranormal. The annual conference...

Oct 17, 2014

Couple Having Sex In Ocean Get Their Genitals Stuck Together

A horny Italian couple saw that almost no one was on the beach at Porto San Giorgio, so they did...

Oct 16, 2014

Boobs Caused Over 500 Car Accidents In Moscow

The Sarafan Advertising Agency based in Russia had a really great idea to attract new customers. They have decided to...

Oct 15, 2014

Walmart Shopper Caught Humping a Stuffed Animal

Two days ago we talked about how some guy broke into a shed and violated a Teddy bear. Today, another...

Oct 13, 2014

Tim Burton’s ‘Mary Poppins’ Doesn’t Star Johnny Depp, Like at All

  Believe it or not, there was a time when Tim Burton was a respected filmmaker. He would add visual...

Oct 13, 2014

NYPD Heckles Comedian

When a comedian “gets the light,” it usually refers to the host frantically waving his cell phone to alert the...

Oct 13, 2014

Thief Caught Because He Left His DNA Inside A Teddy Bear

A 38-year-old man from Darwen, UK is in hot water today after he himself unleashed some hot fluids….Into a teddy...

Oct 10, 2014

Florida Stripper Attacks Boyfriend With Axe Because He Ignored Her

34-year-old Tammy Hiser is a stripper from Florida with a firm ass, face for radio, and a big heart. Just...

Oct 9, 2014

Bride-To-Be Cheats On Her Husband During Bachelorette Party, Gets Pregnant By Dwarf

Man, the chicks in Spain really know how to party. Bachelorette parties in particular can get a little out of...