Connecting With Your Emo Son
October 22, 2009
For many fathers, raising a child in the 21st century is not an easy task. Suggesting recreational activities that may have appealed to you as a child (monster truck racing/fishing/playing catch), might be met with eye rolling, a loud sigh, or even a temper tantrum.
Lucky for you, we’ve developed the My-Life-Sux-O-Meter. This patented device can be attached to your son in order to measure his excitement levels. So instead of having a conversation like this:
“Hey son would you like to go fishing?”
“You don’t fucking understand me at all dad!”
You can simply attach the device to your son and say the word “fishing.” From here you should be able to get an accurate excitement level reading, and you’ll be able to determine if the activity selected will appeal to your son. The higher meter levels are a good indication that your son will look forward to the suggested activity.
Let’s take a look at some examples:
Ski Trip With The Family
Go Carting With Uncle Roy
Go to the beach
Head to Macy’s for the eyeliner sale
Shopping at Hot Topic
Not convinced? Take a look at this testimony from Brad McCarthy.
Before we ordered the My-Life-Sux-O-Meter I was at a serious dead end with my son, but now things are really starting to look up. Just yesterday I brought home the new Fall Out Boy CD for my boy and he said I was “pretty chill.” Next month I’m taking him to get a signed Twilight DvD, we’re very excited!
4Chan Recruits Balloon Boy
October 16, 2009
Yesterday Balloon Boy got more coverage then every single news story this week. Later, Falcon (the 6 year old boy) blurted out that it was all for the show. Sure a lot of people were shocked and appalled, but the important thing to look at here is that we’ve got a promising young 4chan recruit.
If Star Wars Were Remade Today
October 13, 2009
Nerd debate: If they had to remake the original Star Wars movies while using the same characters, who could pull off their role the best? We dug up some “that was then and this is now” style pictures to help you to decide.
Random Star Wars fact: George Lucas originally wanted to make 9 Star Wars movies, and back in the 70’s he asked Mark Hamill if he wanted to do a cameo in the last one.
‘Um, how’d you like to be in Episode IX?’ This is 1976. ‘When is that going to be?’ ‘2011.’ I defy anyone to add 36 years to their lives and not be stunned. Even an eight year old is like, ‘No, I’ll never be 47.’ So I did the math and figured out how old I’d be. I said, ‘Well, what do you want me to do?’ He said, ‘You’ll just be like a cameo. You’ll be like Obi Wan handing the lightsaber down to the next new hope.’ And I’m thinking, ‘I love the guy. If he wanted me to do light yard work at his house, I’d be out clipping the hedges.’ So I went, ‘Sure.’ But I thought he just realized that he’s going to be doing it the rest of his life and he’d rather not do that.” – Source
Conclusion: We’d still bang Carrie Fisher.
25 Hilarious Examples of Parents Saving $
October 12, 2009
As kids I’m sure you can remember that Halloween was one of the best holidays ever. Unfortunately, a lot of us had parents who didn’t feel it was necessary to have an awesome store bought costume like the rest of the kids. Long story short; we’d end up looking an aisle at Ross’s and an aisle at Toys R’ Us got smashed together and somehow shit us out. Here’s a montage dedicated to parents, their creative costume ideas, and the kids who have to wear them.
If there are any moms reading this listen up: We know you mean well, and we love you for that, but let your kid get the store bought costume he’s been talking about.
25 Hilarious Examples of Parents Saving A Buck On Halloween Costumes
7 Drinking Games From Around the World
October 8, 2009
When it comes to drinking games, anything goes. In the U.S., the Quarter Bounce, Bullshit, Shotgun, Moose, Fuck the Dealer, and Presidents and Assholes have all been favorites of many, but are now eclipsed by the popularity of younger rivals, like Beer Pong and Flip Cup. Some of us the States have become more than a little bored with Beer Pong, so we decided to look into the drinking games that people in other countries play. Maybe these games can even lead to some inspiration for our own party ideas — it’s worth a look.
Russia
We’ve all heard of Russian Roulette, the highest stakes drinking game in the world, but not all Russian drinking games are quite as intense. There are at least a couple that allow the drinkers to get their kicks, and get out alive.
Tiger has come or Enter the Dragon is a Russian drinking game that requires a lot of vodka, a table and cash. The weakest drinker starts out as the game leader, and he drinks only every other round, and holds his position until he passes out. A shot-glass of vodka is poured for each player as each antes up before the rounds hit the table. The game leader announces “tiger has come” or “dragon has entered,” at which point the players down their shots, then duck under the table and hide until the game leader says that the offending tiger or dragon is gone. As the game progresses, players who lose their balance coming out from under the table are eliminated. Winner takes all. Don’t think the winner too lucky a fellow, since he then hosts the next night of drinking — and provides the alcohol.
Bear Paw is also a popular drinking game in Russia, and it’s a bit cheaper. However, this game has no winners. An enormous beer mug is filled with beer and passed around, and wait for it — after each person drinks, the mug is topped off with vodka. This hilarious nonsense continues until everyone is passed out or the mug is full of pure vodka, at which point nobody would be left standing anyhow. If, by some miracle of alcoholism, the mug is full of vodka and players are still conscious, the mug continues to be passed around, this time topped-off with beer after every sip. This ridiculousness goes on until nobody is left awake.
Finger Guessing in China
Drinking is frowned upon in China, even more so than it seems to be in Amish country, so thirsty Chinese get together for parties as an excuse to play drinking games and get smashed. Sound familiar? One of the most popular drinking games in China is the finger-guessing game.
This one’s surprisingly simple: Players slyly make a shape with their fingers to represent a number between 1 and 20. Each player then tries to guess the total sum of all other players’ fingers. The closest guess is the winner, and the losers, of course, drink.
The alcohol of choice for Chinese drinking games is usually baijiu, a grain-based spirit with an alcohol content anywhere between 20 and 60 percent. Another favorite is Cantonese snake-wine, a potent, green concoction made by pickling snakes in a bottle of alcohol. A similar snake-wine is also popular in Vietnam.
Peer Pressure Ceremony in China
In Longi, China, guests at the Longi Rice Terraces are invited to rice wine ceremonies, hosted by the minority tribal villages of the Huang and Yao people. The local women sing before ambushing the guests and forcing them to knock back cup after cup of wine, in something similar to village-sized frat shots. The peer pressure is intense and the ladies constantly watch the glasses and refill them as soon as they are empty while ensuring the guests keep drinking. The ceremonies are as much a game for the hosts as for the guests, since the object is to get their chosen guests as drunk as possible, as quickly as possible. With this game, there’s fun to be had for all.
Rum and Jenga in Cuba
Many adults in Cuba play Dominos and card games while they gamble and drink, but Jenga and rum often come together at parties to form a drinking game. Discounting some regional variation, the participating Cubans basically play Jenga normally, except the consequences for mistakes are downing more rum. This goes on and on until the players are unable to even set up the pieces anymore, and a winner is declared.
Mexico
A drinking game called Pon/Toma is played in Mexico with a six-sided dreidel. The sides of the dreidel are labeled with pon uno, pon dos, pon todo, tom uno, tom dos, tom todo. These translate to “give one, give two, give all, drink one, drink two, drink all,” respectively. Players start with a full glass of liquor, and an empty glass is placed in the center of the table. Each player spins the dreidel. If it lands on pon uno, the player puts a shot of their own drink into the glass. Toma uno, on the other hand, means the player has to drink a shot from the glass. When a player lands on a todos, they have to either fill the glass, or drink what’s in it.
The UK
One notorious drinking game known throughout the UK has never been successfully played through to finish, as far as anyone knows. Drinkers watch the film Withnail & I and attempt to match the characters drink for drink. Pints of beer are downed at ludicrous-speed until the players are either comatose or can simply drink no more. Technically, the end of the game is the end of the movie. Nobody knows what happens at the end of the movie.
The Official Drinking Games Forum Thread
15 Favorite Sports Cars (Then and Now)
October 6, 2009
A fast car is sort of like your first BJ. When you dump the clutch in one of these muscle machines; your eyes, mouth, and cornhole (in some cases) will fully open. You’ll put this experience in your memory, where it stays for the rest of your life.
Then one day (years later) you hook up with a stripper named Diamond. The blowjob she gives you lasts longer, uses a lot more technique, and basically becomes the most awesome oral experience of your life. However, you’ll still never forget the time you popped the clutch on that old dirt road, many many years ago. And if we’re being honest, that first BJ was probably more important to you (for sentimental reasons alone).
Since My metaphors are terrible, I’ll leave you with our list of 15 of our favorite sports cars from then and now.
SSC Ultimate Aero
Shelby SuperCars manufactures the world’s fastest production sports car, the 2009 SSC Ultimate Aero. The newest version replaced the SSC Ultimate Aero TT and has 15% more horsepower, producing an output of 1287 horsepower. The Ultimate Aero is 6-speed manual transmission with Twin-Turbo V8 and can reach 0 to 60 mph in 2.7 seconds. The newest model has a new AeroBrake system, a spoiler that rises up 8 inches when the brake is pressed, and a redesigned nose which shortens the length of the vehicle as well as makes it more aerodynamic. The Ultimate Aero rings in at a staggering $654,000 but can reach a maximum speed of 270 mph which is the world record speed for a production car.
Bugatti Veyron
The Bugatti Veyron has the fastest sports car acceleration speed, reaching 60 mph in 2.6 seconds, as well as the steepest price tag of $1,700,000. Yet that was for the last model. The Bugatti Veyron Fbg par Hermès is the latest limited edition version of the Bugatti Veyron 16.4 and hits the pocket hard with a cost of $2.3 million. The latest and greatest Bugatti Veyron underwent no mechanical alterations but some costly cosmetic changes instead like the French leather interior. There have been many new designs released since 2006, but the speed and power stay the same. Top speed reaches 253 mph, yet it would empty its 26.4 gallon fuel tank in just 12 minutes at that speed. This flashy car has its speed limited electronically to prevent tire damage or it would run even faster!
Ferrari Enzo
At the Paris Motor Show in 2002, Ferrari announced a limited production run of 349 Ferrari Enzo sport cars priced at US $643,330. They issued invitations to previous Ferrari customers and all of the vehicles were sold before production even began. Another 50 more Enzos were built, bringing the total to 399. Only one more was built but was auctioned for charity. Enzo’s predecessor was the F50 and the successors were FXX and Millechili. Enzo tops out at speeds of 217 mph, reaching 60 mph in 3.4 seconds. The base price for the F140 aluminum V12 engine with 660 horsepower is a mere $670,000. Due to the limited production, however, every time someone crashes their Enzo, the sticker price jumps exponentially. The current cost to own an Enzo is about $1 million.
Lamborghini Gallardo
Slick and sleek, the powerful 2010 Lamborghini Gallardo LP550-2 boasts 550 horsepower for a rear wheel drive Lamborghini. The Gallardo is Lamborghini’s most-produced model with over 5,000 built since production began in 2003. Each car costs about $180,000 to $210,000, each becoming more exclusive as limited numbers are manufactured. With a weight of only 3,042 lbs, this throw back to classic sports car style can spin out from 0 to 60 mph in just 3.9 seconds, reaching top speed of 202 mph.
Porsche 911 GT3 RS
In 1999, Porsche introduced a high performance, water-cooled version of the Porsche 911 GT3. Over the years, the models were tweaked to become a faster and more powerful until racing versions of 911 GT3 could compete with the Ferrari F430 GT2 and the BMS M3 GTR. Loud and fast, the newest Porsche 911 GT3 RS is even more muscle under the hood than the 911 GT3, with a reworked 3.8-liter, 450-horsepower, six-cylinder boxer engine. The RS has a wider track both on the front and rear axle and a specially fixed up PASM suspension. The 2010 Porsche 911 GT3 RS accelerates to 62 mph in 4.1 seconds and comes with a base price of $132,800 and a top speed of 194 mph.
Corvette ZR-1
Produced from 1990-1996, only 6,939 Corvette ZR-1 models were built with generations C1 (the first) through C6 (the current one) each having multiple versions with differing features. All ZR-1 models had a power key that could be switched from 100% full power to normal power. Interior, body work and wheels were modified from year to year as well gradual increases in horsepower from 200 hp to 405 hp. In 2009, Chevrolet Corvette produced the C6 ZR1, the fastest and most powerful Corvette ever manufactured. The newest Vette boasts of brute force and can reach top speeds of 210 mph with 638 horsepower and reach 0-60 in only 3.8 seconds.
Jaguar XKR
Sleek, sexy, sporty, the Jaguar XK series has been in production since 1996. The supercharged variant is the XKR. On all XKR models, the maximum speed is electronically limited to 155 mph. The 2010 Jaguar XKR has an increase in power, having a new 5.0L V-8 with a Roots-type supercharger engine. This allows the XKR to reach 0-60 in 4.6 seconds with 510 horsepower. This Jag’s current price tag is around $101,150.
McLaren F1
The most powerful supercar produced by McLaren between the years 1992-1998 is the McLaren F1. Only 106 of these impressive beasts manufactured. Each one took 3.5 months to produce, 64 of which were the standard street version (F1), 5 were LMs (tuned versions), 3 were longtail roadcars (GT), 5 prototypes (XP), 28 racecars (GTR), and 1 LM prototype (XP LM). This two door coupe has a power output of 627 horsepower and can reach a top speed of 240 mph. The F1 can go from 0-60 mph in a mere 3.2 seconds. The original sticker shock was $970,000, but the price is now considerably higher since they are not longer made.
Dodge Viper SRT10
The Dodge Viper SRT10 was produced from 1992-1998, but the fourth generation SRT10 was manufactured from 2008 to present. The original first generation Vipers could reach 0-60 mph in 4.6 seconds, but now the 2009 Viper SRT10 can reach 0-60 mph in 3.5 seconds. While the 1992 variant of Viper had a top speed of over 180 mph, the 2009 Viper has 600 horsepower and a top speed of 202 mph. The base price is $87,460.
Aston Martin DBS
James Bond automatically springs to mind when thinking of an Aston Martin DBS. The original DBS was in production from 1967-1972. Its straight six cylinder engine and sleek design made the DBS in vogue and in James Bond movies. Back then, it reached a top speed of 140 mph and could race from 0-60 mph in 7.1 seconds. In 2007, however, Aston Martin produced a new DBS with a V12 engine. This car was designed for the movie Casino Royale. The seats were lowered and widened, a 13 active loudspeaker sound system was also installed in the newer model. Another change of the new DBS was that it could rocket from 0-60 mph in 4.2 seconds before reaching a top speed of 194 mph.
Pagani Zonda R
The Pagani Zonda debuted in 1999, while the Zonda R Clubsport debuted in 2007. Horsepower, speed, and safety has increased each year as well as the price tag, around $1.8 million now. The 2009 model delivers extreme performance, 0-60 mph in 3.0 seconds and able to reach a top speed of 233 mph. The first Zonda R was fast and powerful, but this sleek speed demon packs 739 horsepower now.
Tesla Roadster
The Tesla Roadster is a sweet all-electric sports car that has an efficiency of 120 mpg and can top out at 125 mph now. The standard model has been in production since 2008, but in July 2009 Tesla delivered a higher performance sport version. Roadster Sport can travel 221 miles on a single lithium battery charge pack. Yet the both Roadsters still manage to get up and go, with the standard sports car accelerating from 0-60 mph in 3.9 seconds and only 3.7 seconds for the 2010 Roadster Sport. The slick 2010 models begin at a base price of $109,000.
Chevrolet Camaro
The Camaro has been in production since 1967, while the first generation rear-wheel drive front-engine design began production in 1969. However, in 1993, the fifth generation Camaro was inspired by the original design. After 40-year absence , in 2009, the Daytona 500 Pace Car debuted as what is now the 2010 Camaro SS. The SS is powered by the LS3 6.2L V8 and can produce 426 horsepower. This 6-speed manual zooms from 0-60 mph in 4.8 seconds
Mustang GT
Way back in 1964, Carroll Shelby created the first Fastback 2X2 Mustang with V8 engine and 306 horsepower. Ford named this sports car the Shelby GT350 Street. The cost then to own a GT coupe would set you back about $400. The iconic GT series continued to evolve, from first to fifth generation of Mustangs. However, the old school muscle car is reborn in the 2010 Mustang GT. It has a much improved interior and the rumbling motor now purrs. The newest Mustang GT has 315 horsepower and can run 0-60 mph in 4.9 seconds. Now, the price for a 2010 Mustang GT with the premium package will be set you back about $30,095.
Koenigsegg CCX
Starting in 2006, Swedish manufacturer Koenigsegg began working on the CCX. Much more than a sports car, the Koenigsegg CCX is a supercar. With its super exotic capabilities come a base price is $540,000 + taxes, while a fully equipped supercar costs $600,900 + taxes. The CCX is a Swedish mid-engine successor to the CCR , having a twin supercharged V8. When it flexes a little muscle, the CCX can scream from 0 to 60 mph in 3.2 seconds. Top speed for the CCX is about 245 mph. When Stig wrecked it, half way through a lap, the Koenigsegg underwent tweaks to the suspension and was then fitted with a non-production spoiler.
6 Sexual Records You Shoudn’t Be Proud Of
October 5, 2009
When it comes to setting and breaking records, we’ve got one for virtually everything. Yes, even the placing one ones penis into a vagina. Unlike records you can brag about (”Dude I banged my gf for 3 hours w/ out busting a nut”) we stumbled across a few disturbing ones that no one would boast about.
Most Semen Swallowed - Having swallowed the most amount of semen ever officially recorded Michelle Monaghan had 1.7 pints (0.96 liter) of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991. Although as men we’d like to give this young lady a Hi-5, we know this is probably something she won’t want to tell her kids.
Most Sexual Partners - The female gangbang world record is owned by a woman named Houston who had intercourse with 620 men in one day! A video was made of this historic event. As it took about 10 hours (with a few very brief breaks) to do it, the average time of intercourse was less than 58 seconds. Source I downloaded one of these giant gangbangs and was surprisingly turned off. If anything changes, I’ll be sure to give this a look.
Biggest Orgy - This record was achieved in Japan. 250 couples took part in the world’s biggest orgy. It’s safe to say that half of these participants were men right? So if you attended you’d get to see 124 other dongs sharing the same hole that you just enjoyed. Sounds fun, thanks Japan!
Most Violent Semen Reaction – Pay attention: If she tells you that she’s allergic to facials, listen to her. Sure it might seem like a dumb excuse, but this shit is real.
In one case reported in 1967 a girl had an acute allergic reaction to human sperm. She came from a family with a long history of various kinds of allergy, including eczema, asthma, and dermatitis. A short time after her first sexual experience she developed a rash and asthma; her lips, eyelids, tongue, and throat became swollen, she had violent pains in the pelvis and finally lost consciousness. Most of these symptoms appeared every time she had sexual intercourse: they began within half an hour and lasted well into the next day. When semen diluted one part per million was injected under her skin it left an angry weal, so intense was the girl’s reaction.
Fastest achieved male orgasm – 6.4 percent of males are able to climax in less than a minute. Getting called a two minute man is a blow to anyone’s ego. Just remember, there’s plenty of faster “draws” than you.
Highest sexual expenses incurred – When it came to busting a nut, Louis the 15th didn’t shy away from throwing a few stacks at his hoes. Some of the major items apart from board and lodging on a luxurious scale – were indemnities paid to families, dowries for those who were married off, the maintenance of illegitimate children, presents to the élèves, and the particular expense of Mere Bompart. It has been estimated that in the thirty-four years of its existence the Parc aux Cerfs cost nearly 20 million dollars, or around $600,000 a year.
7 Blasphemous Cartoons
September 30, 2009
Well ladies and Gentlemen, as you may have heard, today is International Blasphemy day, in memory of the 4th anniversary of the Danish Mohammed cartoon. The second reason for this ‘holiday’ is to draw attention to the freedom of speech we now enjoy, and the proposed UN resolution backed by Muslims (because of the cartoon) to restrict anti-religious speech across the world. Someone must’ve pissed in their cornflakes, because every religion gets blasted. Always. it’s all in good fun. In fact, to commemorate today, we’ve assembled a list of 8 completely blasphemous cartoons from 7 religions of the world. Read, laugh, and enjoy a day of happily blaspheming!
Buddhism
Link
Hinduism
Link
Judaism
Link
Greek
Link
Norse
Link
Islam
Link
Christianity
Link
Assholism
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If Digg Categories Were Honest
September 28, 2009
When it comes to finding the latest hip stories, viral vids, or funny pics, a lot of us head over to digg.com where we can enjoy all of those things without having to scour through RSS feeds. As we continued to use this site, we began to see a trend when it came to user submissions. Thus, we’d like to suggest the new and improved category boxes for people who are ready to submit stories.
Shirtless Sports Fans Who Shouldn’t Be
September 25, 2009
When you’re a fatass, usually the last thing on your mind is disrobing in public. Society has basically told you to keep your clothes on or get laughed at. This is a good thing because no one has to see your fat rolls, and you don’t get made fun of.
Unfortunately, when it comes to super fans, wearing clothing is optional. Here’s an arousing gallery of fans that should have kept their shirts on.
