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Camel Toe Underwear is a Real Thing That Exists

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Fashion is a confounding thing. What’s beautiful one day is hideous the next, retro the next, and offensive shortly thereafter. What is revealing today is conservative tomorrow, and what is an unpleasant social faux pas is soon a sexy, empowering fashion statement. Case in point: Camel toe underwear. No, I’m not talking about underwear that prevents the occurrence of camel toe, I’m talking about underwear with a silicone labia sewn into it to give your v@gina that sexy “feed me, Seymour” look. Take a peek at these monsters. This ain’t your mother’s underwear.

Hers are much bigger.

Hers are much bigger.

Manufactured in Japan, because of course, the underwear first became popular amongst gender variant folk trying to make their beef bus look like a tuna garage. But fashion, fickle beast that it is, decided that this pussy-prostate could be fit for mainstream consumption. Now women who are cursed with dreaded tight vAginas (gross!) can obtain that splayed, worn look that says “I’ve been around the block. You think you’re big enough to touch the sides?”

If you do touch the sides, I might buzz.

If you do touch the sides, I might buzz.

Now that women have their own version of “sock in the pants,” get ready, gentlemen. Imagine your surprise when you peel off a lady’s pants expecting a cavernous baby cannon only to find a tight, pert set of genitals. Could be awkward. Although who are we kidding? You’ll take what you can get, NERD! And if I’m being totally honest, the below photo gets me rock fucking hard. Damn you, fashion!

    I think it’s hungry.
StaffREGRETFULMORNING Writer
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