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He Was Asking For It

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Did you know that it is impossible to sexually harass a guy?  It’s true.  It can’t be done.  Get as creative as you’d like, ladies, but all you’re doing is giving that guy something to go home and masturbate to.  Yeah, we’re that shallow when it comes to sex.  Most guys will take any girl that can hold eye contact long enough to prove that she’s not supposed to be in the Special Olympics.  And even then some of us are willing to roll the dice.  Family member?  Totally legal in the south as long as you are more than twice removed.  Sad part is, they’re not that good at math.  They basically just go off of track record and how far apart her eyes are.

It’s a fact; guys can’t be sexually harassed.  Don’t believe me?  Here are some examples.

Slap a guy on the ass and wink at him.

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See how happy you just made this guy? Not going to get that kind of reaction if the roles were reversed.

Whistle at him as he walking past you on the street.

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Costumes are always a plus. And bonus points for having a job.

Call him something sexist like “Doll Face” or “Sugar Tits.” 

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Not deterred in the slightest. He actually just thinks you two are playing a fun little game.

Repeatedly get caught staring at his junk. 

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This is the exact face you will see looking back at you. Totally serious.

Send him an inappropriate text or picture.

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Not only is he thrilled but he’s also going to send that pic to all of his friends.

Eat food provocatively in front of him. 

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You know where he’s headed? The bathroom. And it’s not because he doesn’t feel good.

Leave graphic material around your shared working space.

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This guy now loves coming to work.

Casually mention sexual fantasies you’ve had. 

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Congratulations. Your fantasies have just become his fantasies.

Tell him really dirty jokes. 

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He’s laughing like that because he’s aroused.

Leverage a potential promotion on the condition of sex.

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Looks like you both will be getting a raise.

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@_PatrickLawlor

Ig: Seriuoslyiampatirck

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