Sometimes the hardest part of being in a relationship is figuring out how to get out of it. Just about every single one of them has a shot clock and when time runs out it can be kind of tricky making an exit. But it doesn’t have to be. If you honestly just don’t care anymore you can be single and moving on with your life in a matter of minutes.
Here’s a list of effective ways to break up with someone.
Hook up with someone else directly in front of them.
No “we can still be friends” speech now. You’re officially single… unless the girl you just hooked up with gets pregnant.
Completely ignore them.
No phone calls, no text messages, just blissful silence. If by day three she hasn’t gotten the message file a restraining order.
File a restraining order.
Nothing says, “You’re dead to me,” like a binding legal document that prevents all physical interaction.
Use a “knock-knock” joke.
“Nobody. You’re single now.”
If you’re feeling particularly creative you can even sprinkle in a few happy face emojis.
Hire a skywriter.
All you have to do now is text her, “look up.”
Have a friend do it for you.
Cowardly? Yes. Effective? Also yes.
Write her a poem.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. You’re single now. I’m breaking up with you.
Just move out.
When she gets home from work she’ll figure it out.
Fake a proposal.
Leave the car running. She may try to kill you afterwards.