We’ve all been there. You’re out on the town having fun when all of a sudden your colon shudders like the first time you ate hot sauce on an empty stomach. A poop has begun. Your dinner has turned into bubble guts and you can no longer trust a fart. The clock is now your enemy unless you have a safe place to unleash hell. Panic sets in.
Pooping in public is a borderline art form when it comes to disease prevention. Do I build a nest of toilet paper? Attempt the hover-dump and pray a leg doesn’t cramp? Do I trust one of those toilet doilies that look like peeled skin after a sunburn? Well, if you’re in any of the following situations it won’t matter.
Here’s a list of the worst places to take a dump…
At a concert.
The line getting into hell is probably shorter. You’re definitely screwed.
On an R.V.
Everybody on board is now bathing in your broth. Nice job.
At a wake.
The upside is that if the smell is particularly awful you can always blame it on the body.
While meeting your girlfriend’s parents for the first time.
Courtesy flush all you want, they’ve already passed their judgment.
During a tailgate.
Sure, they look clean from the outside but we all know what kind of terrible things happen on the inside.
On a plane.
No amount of blue sanitizer tablets are capable of successfully masking the sent of recycled Chinese food.
God might forgive you but the rest of the congregation won’t. And everything echoes in church.
While giving birth.
This is a real thing. Pretty gross, right?
On a hot air balloon ride.
The only way this would be cool is if you’ve ever had the desire to shit like a bird.
While in jail.
It’s a toilet and a sink. Think about that for a second. You better really trust the plumbing.