Crossfit has taken over as the nation’s latest fitness craze and everyone seems to be getting on board. Local gyms have turned into borderline meat factories pumping out veiny monstrosities that can’t quite seem to find the proper sized T-shirt. Meanwhile, meatheads have become mutants and average Joe’s are a little less likely to get shoved into the proverbial lockers of life’s high school hallways. Even women are getting down with the tire-flipping, rope tugging, am I doing a chin-up or is this gymnastics, style of exercise. Cute, right? Not when she looks like giving you a hand job could be a fire hazard.
Here’s a list of why girls that do crossfire are not hot.
No guy gets turned on when your shoulders look pregnant.
It’s like the tops of her arms are in their third trimester. If that thing kicks I’m shooting it.
If your neck looks like a tree stump I’m checking for an Adam’s apple.
This is the face she makes when she’s happy. Let that sink in.
If you grunt while working out, I now know what you sound like when you poop.
Oh, you’re dropping heat? I thought you were in here doing a flying chin-up.
You’re overly defined six pack creeps me out.
From the ribs down you look like Channing Tatum. Now I just feel weird.
Your forearms should not have more veins than my junk.
To be fair, I’m pretty sure she’s dying.
Your ex is probably dead.
Never argue with a chick that can beat you up.
That’s not the protein shake I had in mind for you.
Let’s move on…
You look like you probably have knuckle hair.
Just had a manicure, you say? Well, I still see this.
Bragging about burpees sounds like a way to soothe a crying infant.
You do burpees? How about poo-poos and pee-pees? Enough. We get it.
You were great in The Avengers.
But that’s not what I meant when I said I wanted to smash.