As a kid every guy wondered what his first sexual experience was going to be like. Who would it be with? How would it feel? Would I last longer than the amount of time it takes to microwave a bag of popcorn? Most first times, however, are more disappointing than the current Cleveland Browns football team. But sex is like pizza, right? Even when it’s bad it’s still good. Well, not always.
Here’s a list of the ten worst places to lose your virginity
At a family reunion.
It’s nice to have a close family but that tree is supposed to have branches.
This was not the part of mass where you were supposed to end up on your knees.
At a school for the blind.
She literally never saw you cuming.
To be fair, she did say you may wake up feeling a little stiff.
Pitching? Catching? There’s really no up side here.
Your first job interview.
I’m like 90% certain she wasn’t even really the manager.
During a terrorist standoff.
Looks like one of his 72 virgins arrived early.
At the Lilith Fair.
Yes, that’s a lot of women. But that’s also a whole lot of khaki.
At the Special Olympics.
Now you’re just going to hell. Although, so am I for writing this.
At a Comic Con.
I’m joking. That kid is gonna die a virgin.