On January 6th, The Royal Canadian Mounted Police of Castlegar, British Columbia busted a large marijuana grow operation, seizing more than a thousand plants. The contraband was then transported to storage. I like to imagine that it was done so on horseback because that shit is funny. I also like to imagine that Castlegar is an animated medieval kingdom. I digress. WhenÂ the plants were brought back to the station, the sheer volume of the haul caused the RCMP evidence locker to reach its capacity. Oh what to do, what to do?
Easy. Torch that shit!
Noooo no, I’m not saying that the RCMP smoked the stash the way our shitty American cops would. But they did burn it. In a bonfire. Which caused marijuana smoke to blow over an entire town, likely causing an upswing in Girl Scout Cookie sales and needlessly emotional phone calls ending in “wait … there was something else I was gonna say … I uh … guess if it was important it’ll come back to me. Much love.”
The fire caused at least one complaint to be filed, probably by a total square who just doesn’t know how to get down, man. Also, I’m pretty sure “at least one complaint” is just a newsy way of saying “precisely one complaint.” Everyone else in town was probably just looking for their keys which were sitting on the table the whole time.
Approached for comment, a Castlegarnian man said “Yeah, you could smell the fire from my backyard, but that’s boring. Think about outer space, man. It’s really big. And the thing about it is, you ever like THINK about it? Like really think about it, man. Hey, you think those people over there are talking about us? I think they’re staring at us. Got any chips?”
I made up that last part.