Teen Arrested for Attempting to Hire a Murder Clown

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Whether it’s viral marketing for the upcoming adaptation of IT, or just a bunch of assholes who aren’t nearly as creative as they think they are, clowns have been dominating the news media as of late. Noooo, I’m not talking about the presidential candidates ::fart noise:: ::nahoooooooogah:: ::tappitytappitytappity::, I’m talking about the recent rash of general mischief being perpetrated by folks in clown costumes. Down south we had clowns attempting to lure children into the woods, as well as creepily follow pedestrians at night. Here in Philly we had a hoax spread around that clowns were planning a school shooting.

Which actually isn't that dangerous.

Which actually isn’t that dangerous.

But my favorite piece of clown news happened last week when a teen was arrested for attempting to hire a clown to kill her teacher. Allegedly, she contacted the clown on social media, based solely on his profile picture. But here’s the kicker: the clown in question wasn’t tied into murder for hire. Heck, he may not even have been a professional clown. Basically, the culprit just saw the clown picture and thought “Ooh! Clown! He’ll definitely perform murder for money! ITS A PERFECT PLAN!” And then she just fucking went for it. What a Bozo.

Homey don't play no clown jokes.

Homey don’t play no clown jokes.

From what I understand, the clown community is actually quite a prideful group. Given that they will forever be unfairly tied into murder, child rape, and the untimely death of Heath Ledger without any consideration as to how difficult the art of clowning can be, their pride is not unwarranted. Yet we never hear of any pushback against stuff like this.

What I’m saying is stereotypes are harmful or something.

REGRETFULMORNING Writer
REGRETFULMORNING Writer
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