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Guy Changes His Name to Bacon Double Cheeseburger But at Least This isn’t a Political Thinkpiece

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What’s in a name? Apparently nothing, according to London resident, Simon Smith, who had his name legally changed to Bacon Double Cheeseburger. His reason for doing so is his belief that one’s name is hardly indicative of one’s personality, given that names are chosen by someone else. Why Bacon Double Cheeseburger, though?

Because Sextuple Baconator wasn't on the dollar menu.

Because Sextuple Baconator wasn’t on the dollar menu.

Well Smith, er, um, Chesseburger says that it’s the first thing that came to his head. And since he was looking for a name that suits his personality, it’s only appropriate that he chose a name which loudly proclaims “I am a stupid fucking idiot.” But maybe it’s appropriate since henceforth he will likely be relegated to working in fast food.

Here are three exchanges that may potentially occur in the life of Bacon Double Cheeseburger:

1.

– So, what would you like your name to be?

—-Make me a sandwich.

 

2.

-I’ll take a bacon double cheeseburger.

—-And can you give me your name for your order?

– Bacon Double Cheeseburger

—-(internally) I’m going to spit in this burger.

 

3.

– Hi, I’m Bacon Double Cheeseburger, but my friends call me Baco Dub Chee.

—-I am never going to hire you. Get out of my office.

"I'll never serve a Cheeseburger!"

“I’ll never serve a Cheeseburger!”

There’s literally only one situation in which you’re ever allowed to legally change your name to a non-gourmet food item, and it’s when you’re a fat guy who dresses up as a motorcycle pilgrim while engaging choreographed slap fights during a 25 minute power ballad duets.

And even then it's not very cool.

And even then it’s not very cool.

StaffREGRETFULMORNING Writer
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