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Diddy Arrested After Allegedly Assaulting UCLA Coach With Gym Equipment

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Music mogul Diddy (Puff Daddy, P Diddy, Sean Puffy Combs, Puffy, Sean Combs), perhaps most famous for “Come With Me,” his duet with Jimmy Page featured on the soundtrack for the hit film “Godzilla”, was arrested today when he allegedly attacked a UCLA football coach with a kettle-bell. Man, that was fun to type.

Diddy.

Apparently, the coach had been yelling at Diddy’s son, Justin (Little Diddy), and Daddy Diddy didn’t dig it. Daring to deride a Diddy is a damnable delinquency deserving of detriment, at least when Daddy Diddy doles out the discipline.

Diddley.

But Diddy says he didn’t do the deed. Diddy declares defense defined his dealings and that decorum departed the doings when the coach, and not Diddy, went on the offensive. So Diddy didn’t do it? Or did he?

Dudley.

So whether or not Daddy Diddy did it, school officials have delivered details describing Daddy Diddy’s Daddying. Even though he doesn’t do it daily, Daddy Diddy’s Daddying is somewhat common, and this time he did a disservice to decency. Dick.

Doodley.

Little Diddy was a backup player anyway, so what the fuck is he getting his FUBUs in a bunch for? Is FUBU still a thing? The last time I was cool was when I bought the Godzilla soundtrack.

Dan Scully is a writer and comedian from Philadelphia. Actually he was born in Kentucky and raised in New Jersey, but you don’t need to know that. Follow him on Twitter!

 

REGRETFULMORNING Writer
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