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Voices in Basement Turn Out to Be Missing Scientist Tripping Balls on Acid

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A family hears voices in their basement and believes the house to be haunted – yup, seen that movie. A scientist experimenting with controversial chemicals disappears into thin air – yup, seen that movie too. A person shut off from the world for decades re-emerges and cannot adjust to modern society – classic! SEEN’T IT! Now imagine a movie where we mix all three of those situations together and throw in a barrel of LSD. I haven’t seen that movie, and if it ever gets made it will have to feature the “based on a true story” tag, because it totally just happened.

Totally happened

Dr. Winston Corrigan, who is so appropriately named it hurts, disappeared 30 years ago. He was just recently found¬†holed up in a secret room in a basement with a literal barrel of LSD. Owners of the house where he was hiding had no idea he was there, and the previous owners moved out because they believed the house to be haunted. As a point of fact, if given the choice between cohabitation with a ghost or a spun-out scientist who keeps stealing my ramen and babbling about how good purple tastes, I’m going with the ghosts every single time.

 

We could do crafts together.

Dr. Corrigan is currently under psychiatric evaluation, after which it will be determined whether or not he should be charged with any crimes since our justice system is kinda fucked like that. My advice? Throw him into an IMAX 3D screening of The Avengers without any prerequisite and see what happens.

 

Probably something like this.

 

The author’s girlfriend is on a trip to Vegas, and for some reason he has been using this as an excuse to eat inhuman amounts of Chinese delivery and continue skipping the gym. Send him some encouragement via Twitter.¬†
REGRETFULMORNING Writer
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