By all accounts, Netflix’s Daredevil is a hit. The combination of humor, bone-breaking violence, and Vincent D’onofrio has resulted in nothing short of rave reviews … and dissent amongst bored social justice warriors hell bent on giving themselves a “progress boner”.
A petition has been drafted urging Netflix to provide an “audio-descriptive” version of Daredevil so that it may be enjoyed by the blind community, who may take special interest in a show about a sightless superhero. This is all well and good, I guess, but the hacktivists behind the petition are not considering more than a few things:
– Most shows on Netflix don’t have an audio-descriptive version. Singling out Daredevil is like requesting that Spotify offer text descriptions of Beethoven – and ONLY Beethoven – for deaf Spotify users.
– Blind folk can’t read comic books. They just can’t. And while I feel for the small group of hardcore Daredevil readers who subsequently lost their vision and now can’t watch the show, it’s a pretty tall order to ask Netflix to engage in an expensive endeavor for a very small group of people.
– Do blind people even subscribe to Netflix, generally? I think not.
– Daredevil’s blindness is a gimmick. It doesn’t exist as a tool for inclusivity on behalf of a special interest group, it exists because a writer thought it was neat.
– An audio descriptive version of a show like Daredevil would suck anyway.
To quote the creator of the petition: “Doesn’t the blind community deserve the same right to enjoy Netflix that everyone else does?”
No. Because Netflix is a product, not a right. That being said, to the roughly 10 people who would really dig on an audio-descriptive version of Daredevil, I sincerely hope you get it. You do deserve to enjoy it just as much as anyone else. And before any readers decide to berate me for being such a dick about it, I ask you do three things:
1. Investigate the numbers and see how many blind folk actually take advantage of the audio version.
2. Sign my petition to have Netflix offer a version of Wild Things where Denise Richards’ boobs are replaced with penises so that women and homosexuals can enjoy the threesome scene.
3. Sign my other petition to have Netflix offer a version of Wild Things where Kevin Bacon’s penis is replaced with breasts so that men and homosexuals can enjoy the shower scene.
(Note: since the time of drafting this article, the petition proved to be a success and Netflix will indeed offer an audio version of Daredevil, which is definitely a good thing, even if it’s still pretty stupid)
Please help my cause by following me on Twitter and hashtagging #TitsAndDicksOnTheFlix.