Two Men Arrested for Separate Homophobic Murders are Getting Married Behind Bars … to Each Other


Spring has sprung! Love is in the air! The time for hibernation is over and the time for making sweet love is nigh! Nobody is immune to Cupid’s arrow, not even homophobic murderers! That’s right, two savagely murderous homophobes have tied the knot behind bars, but there’s a catch … both of them are dudes.

This is literally the first result when you google “dudes”.

This is a momentous occasion for a few reasons. Firstly, this is Britain’s first behind-bars homosexual union. Second, this is the only time where I think it might be okay to use a slur against a gay person. Don’t get me wrong, it’s never okay to judge someone based on something over which they have no control. However, it’s TOTALLY okay to pass judgment on someone over something they can control, like being a homophobic murderer or, worse yet, a hypocritical homophobic murderer.

Or one of these dudes!

Whereas the laws here on the outside preventing homosexuals from cohabiting have been mostly stricken from the books, these two newlyweds are forbidden from sharing a cell, which is exactly the type of discrimination I can get behind. Heck, if we can get one of the lunch ladies (prisons use lunch ladies, right?) to refuse them service on account of their homosexuality, I think we owe it to ourselves to try. Maybe the prison church can picket their parole hearings too. I think a few “God Loves Gays, but Specifically Hates These Two Gays” signs are in order.

And I know just who to carry them! 

Come make Oz jokes with the author on Twitter. Seriously, let’s talk about Meloni’s dick. 


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