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Man Loses Epic Drinking Game, Still Gets All the Attention

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I remember a time back in my salad days where me and a friend were getting shit-hammered at his apartment. It was getting to be about midnight, and the both of us were struggling to keep our eyes open and our legs under us. It was certainly time to stop drinking, but lo and behold, a third person showed up with a boot-shaped drinking glass and a challenge. It was put forth that whoever could down a boot of Keystone Light (it was college) more quickly, was the ultimate champ. I went first. After downing a bootful in about 10 seconds, I sat down and felt like hot death. I immediately went to the bathroom and induced vomiting, knowing that I had made a bad decision. My friend downed a boot in about the same time, and then immediately puked all over himself. Since my vomiting was done on my own terms, I was deemed the winner, albeit by a hair.

Champions come in all shapes and sizes!

Why do I bring this up? Because I want to tell you a similar story. Meet Humberto Fonseca, participant in a drinking game that makes my boot story seem utterly puss-tastic. Humberto and friends, after a long night of partying, decided to see who could down 25 shots of vodka in 60 seconds.

A feat that only one man could accomplish!

All seven collapsed from alcohol poisoning, three of which are in intensive care. Humberto, however, came in dead last. Literally. He’s dead. Now while I would hate to make fun of a tragedy such as this, I must take issue with the fact that Humberto seems to be getting all of the credit, while the three students who aren’t in intensive care are really the newsworthy ones. I mean, 25 shots in a minute? That’s incredible! Moreover, it’s a three-way tie for first! Shouldn’t we be seeking some sort of tie-breaker?!? I say we bust out the boot!

The author, who now rarely drinks, is going to Hell for this, where his drinking will likely resume, even though they probably only serve Goldschlager. Follow him onĀ Twitter.

REGRETFULMORNING Writer
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