Deceptively Demonic Dollar Store Toy Angers a Stupid Person

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You can get a lot of cool stuff at a dollar store: plungers that don’t work, watches that don’t work, back scratchers that work surprisingly well, and shitty toys. Dollar store toys are always in a class of their own. Operating at about the same level as a Happy Meal toy, the dollar store fare doesn’t promise to be high quality. But what it lacks in quality, it more than makes up for in batshit insanity. Kinda like my ex-wife.

I’m totally deleting that bitch’s number from my dollar store phone, like tonight or tomorrow or something.

Nine times out of ten, a dollar store toy is actually a mash up of pieces from other superior toys, glued together in a factory by a kid who, in America, would not be allowed to play with the toy because it’s a choking hazard.

Would eat. Might choke.

Nicole Allen did not understand this when she purchased a toy wand for her daughter at the appropriately named “$1.00 STORE” only to discover that its underside features a picture of a demon girl attempting suicide.

Innocent child’s toy on one side…

What appears on its surface to be your standard child’s fairy wand is actually much darker. Not only does it feature the aforementioned photo, but it also emits a cackle when you press its button. A lot like my ex-wife.

…photo of my ex-wife on the other!

When asked about the product, the store’s owner, Amar Moustafa, asserted that it was Allen’s own fault for not reading the packaging. Sure enough, despite the candy-colored design and the drawing of an anime princess, the product is indeed called “Evil Stick”. Moustafa continues to sell this product at his store because it’s a fucking dollar store, and fuck you for caring.

This is a job best left up to RobertCop 2

The packaging isn’t entirely accurate, however. It states explicitly “I can send out wonderful music,” even though it can’t. Then again, it claims it can send out wonderful music, but perhaps it chooses not to, which is fittingly evil. Just like my ex-wife.

She was a real nightmare.

The author just recently broke 1,000 followers on Twitter, and then suddenly dropped back below and it’s killing him emotionally. Undo this damage by following @DanScully

REGRETFULMORNING Writer
REGRETFULMORNING Writer
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