What Working Overnight Does to You

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I’ve written about my day job before: once about the consequences of sleeping with a co-worker and again about the downsides of enjoying your job. Now I will describe you to the effects of working the overnight shift. Obviously, the odd sleep schedule takes a toll on you (when my editor asked me to submit an article on Friday morning I gave him a wholehearted “yes” without even considering that 10pm might not match his definition of “morning” as much as it does mine), but there are lesser known consequences, like the fact that…

#3. It’ll Destroy Your Social Life

social life

I get off work around 7am. I can’t call my friends then–they’re are either going to work or still fast asleep, dreaming about ignoring my calls. They text me around 8pm at which time, if I’m even awake yet, I’m making myself a nice bowl of what I call breakfast-Ramen, which is… well, no possible list of ingredients is going to redeem something called “breakfast-Ramen”
I go to work at 11pm, and the closest thing to socializing is briefly texting with a friend to set up plans for the next day which I’ll totally wake up for. Four texts with no reply later I determine that they’ve fallen asleep, and I contemplate our plans that I’m sure I won’t wake up for.

#2. It Makes You a Morning Person

morning person
People who work in the morning relax in the afternoon; people who work in the afternoon party at night. Me? I work overnight and party (relaxedly) in the morning. I hate mornings. I always have. I like the night life–going to bars, parties, or more likely reddit at 4am. That’s why I preferred working evenings when I joined the workforce at age 13–I didn’t have to wake up til noon (fun fact–that’s the first time I’ve ever used the word “workforce”).
…And then I discovered the overnight shift. I go to work at 11pm; I don’t have to wake up until like 9 pm! I get off at 7am, which is as morning as it gets. I’ve come full circle. I love mornings. Morning is now the time when I get to relax after all my responsibilities are done. I came to a realization: I don’t hate morning–I hate waking up. Mornings are great! The sunrise is beautiful–especially when you’re shitfaced, which you will be, because…

#1. It Makes Day Drinking Normal

day drinking
Everyone likes to unwind, whether it be with a beer in their hand, a joint in their mouth, or a pumpkin spice latte injected between their toes. Rushing to the liquor store before they close so you can get your bedtime buzz on is fine, yet waiting outside their locked front door at 8:56 am on a Monday makes you seem like a booze hound, even though you’re at the end of a long work-filled day just like the fine gentlemen who will stumble into the store in the evening.

Lead accountant Johnston during his post-lunch break blackout.

Have you ever tried to go to sleep while the sun is shining and the birds are screaming? It’s tough. The birds aren’t even singing in harmony, they’re shouting over each other like rival street performers (the only time you hope for a mime)

The only time you find yourself wishing there was a mime.

The only time you find yourself wishing there was a mime.

Alcohol’s appropriateness shouldn’t be determined by how bright it is outside. Doesn’t the sun go away for like 3 months during wintertime in Alaska? I’m i to believe that the residents are mandatorily drunk during that time? If so, I am now accepting Paypal donations for my plane ticket.

Matt Pass is a writer who recently stuck it to the man by making fun of BuzzFeed on BuzzFeed. Follow him on Twitter or tumblr, or if reading isn’t really your thing, Instagram. 

REGRETFULMORNING Writer
REGRETFULMORNING Writer
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