FORBES has released their annual list of highest paid actors, and for the second time in a row, Robert Downey Jr. is king. Duh.
Of course he’s king. He’s Iron Man. The guy who saved the world by carrying a nuke into a space warp, simultaneously cutting power from the invading Chitauri army and making mamba pamby Captain America eat his words. That’s worth an annual salary of $75 million, no contest. The only other person on this planet who I’d so willingly throw money at is The Rock. I mean Dwayne Johnson. I mean Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.
That’s right, flexing in at number two is everyone’s favorite person ever, The Rock, with $52 million. I smell what The Rock is cooking: money! Now it smells like burnt paper in here, Rock. Stop! If you don’t want the money, give it to me so I can stop eating cat food.
Everyone else on the list is who you’d expect: DiCaprio, Hemsworth, Affleck, Will Smith — wait, WHAT?!? WILL SMITH?!? But he sucks now! After Earth?!? Are you kidding me, dude?? If the monsters smell fear, isn’t it easier to tell your son that they’re harmless? You made it so difficult. Yes, I understand that it wouldn’t make a very good movie that way, but your way didn’t make a good movie either so shut up. Also, I think your son is on the autism spectrum. Check his twitter and you’ll see what I mean.
So if you’re feeling up but you wanna get down, check out the full list here. And if you wanna get really down, think about this: when Buddy Holly’s plane crashed, his wife first heard the news via television. The shock caused her to miscarry their child. HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY.
Unfollow Jaden Smith on twitter and follow me instead!!