Drunk Runs Himself Over

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Robert Alan Pullar is a 30-year-old who made a few mistakes this weekend. His first mistake was deciding to drive his car with a suspended license. Police eventually pulled him over, at which point he made another mistake: refusing a breathalyzer. He was subsequently charged with a DUI. Well wait–how did they know he was drunk? I mean it’s not like he failed the breathalyzer, he just didn’t even take it. Cops likely ascertained his inebriation due to the events that took place moments before the traffic stop: Robert fell out of his car. The vehicle kept going (inertia, etc”¦) and ran him right the fuck over. He then managed to stand up, catch up to the car, and get back in it. That’s what they call a clue at the academy. You could say he had a”¦ regretful morning.

He! Get it? Cuz

Haha! Get it? Cuz”¦ well, you get it.

Matt Pass is a writer and comedian who has been alive for 8999 days so far. Follow on Twitter @mattpasscomedy.

REGRETFULMORNING Writer
REGRETFULMORNING Writer
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