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For Bernie Tiede, the Key to Success is Murder

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If you absolutely positively must murder somebody, and let’s face it, we’ve all been there, it certainly helps if you’re really really nice and the person you kill is really really not nice. It’s not fool proof, but it certainly worked for Bernie Tiede.

Bernie Tiede, better known as “that Jack Black movie,” was sentenced to life in prison when he shot and killed Marjorie Nugent in 1997. Luckily for him, Marjorie was a thunderously awful hag who nobody liked. Even luckier for him, Richard Linklater made a movie all about him.

Yup. That's the one.

Yup. That’s the one.

 

After an outpouring of support from the legal and ethical elite of Hollywood(Jack Black, Richard Linklater) and a revelation of abuse in Bernie’s troubled past, Bernie is now a free man. Even though he would be warmly welcomed in his hometown of Carthage, he will instead be moving into Richard Linklater’s garage, because fuck you and fuck me.

So if you’ve ever wanted to be in pictures, mingle with the stars of Hollywood, or kill somebody in cold blood, just ask yourself: What would Bernie do?

He'd kill somebody.

He’d kill somebody.

Follow the author on twitter @DanScully, or don’t.

REGRETFULMORNING Writer
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