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5 More Animals Who Are WAY Too Smart


One of the most satisfying moments with an animals is observing them doing something more intelligent than we’d assumed they were capable of. This doesn’t refer just to monkeys, either. Many different species have been observed completing tasks that, honestly, I’ve never even been able to do (mating, for example). Here’s the wild ones:


The Hairy Frog Breaks Its Own Toes To Form Claws 

hairy frog

Wolverine is by far the most popular member of the X-men, and it turns out one of his abilities is based on reality. Except the retractable claws shouldn’t have been given to him, but rather to an enemy of the X-men: Toad (sorta).

Within Central Africa lives the Hairy Frog, which possesses a unique self defense mechanism.  They purposefully break their own toe bones before pushing them through the skin.  When threatened, they break their bones free of the small nodule located at the fingertip as a means of defense. Scientists aren’t sure how the bones retract, but they do know that the puncture wounds and nodule heal over time.

Pictured: Horror.


Parrot Rats Owner Out At DUI Checkpoint


A man in Mexico City received an unexpected betrayal from the least likely candidate–his pet parrot. Forty-nine year old Guillermo Reyes was stopped at a standard alcohol checkpoint when something happened that surely made him regret buying an animal with the ability to talk. As he stepped out of his car, the parrot repeatedly squawked “He’s drunk! He’s drunk!” which most officers of the law consider to be a clue. So they checked the guy out, and sure enough he was drunk as shit. It seems that pigeons may have to share the title of “rats with wings” with parrots (parRATS?) from now on. Authorities decided to let the man take the bird with him to prison, fearing that it may die without its owner, although he may not have a great chance of survival even with his keeper after getting him busted.

Well now he's just mocking him.

Well now he’s just mocking us.


The Bear That Fought For The Polish Army


During World War II, a family donated a bear that they could no longer care for to the Polish Army, because apparently that’s what bear disposal was like in the 1940s. The soldiers initially fed it milk until they discovered that it much preferred beer. While giving animals alcohol may seem like a poor choice, angering a bear going through withdrawal is a decidedly worse choice. The bear, Wojtek, was soon officially drafted as a corporal in the 22nd Artillery Supply Company where he happily delivered ammunitions to other soldiers. For some reason they didn’t just send him to the front line to maul enemies, which is part of the reason that Poland does not currently rule the world.

Absolutely nothing could go wrong here.

Absolutely nothing could go wrong here.


Cat Holds Family Hostage


A Portland family called 911 fearing that they would be attacked by their 22-pound cat, likely leaving the operator wishing they were the victim of a prank call. The family was left with no choice but to barricade themselves in the bedroom after Lux, the feline who doesn’t give a fux, scratched their baby. When officers arrived, the man of the house was hesitant to let them in, explaining “If I leave the bedroom, I’m going to have to fight the cat.  Tell them to be careful, the police.”
The kitty may be 22 pounds, but it seems like the bigger pussies are the family.
--but I'm sure she's quite the competent mother.

–but I’m sure she’s quite the competent mother.

Grasshoppers Can Turn Into Locusts

Anybody who has ever owned, seen, or heard of a dog will instantly know what “the spot” refers too–the one area that causes uncontrollable leg spasms when petted correctly. Now imagine if rubbing the spot instead made your dog turn into a rabid wolf. Sounds insane, yes, but a similar transformation is absolutely a real thing: grasshoppers turn into locusts if their hind legs are agitated in precisely the right way. Bumpin’ and grindin’ all up over the leg recreates the sensation of a population overcrowding, which makes the insect fear that there is not enough food for everybody and in turn go into frenzy mode. Fortunately, the legs must be caressed for five seconds every minute for four hours, so there is very little risk of somebody accidentally causing a biblical plague.
You can tell this one is a locust by how menacingly it's jumping.

You can tell this one is a locust by how menacingly it’s jumping.

Follow Matt Pass on Twitter (@mattpasscomedy) where he frequently causes accidental biblical plagues.
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