The Greeks gave us more than just the Olympics and Chobani yogurt–they gave us tales of many glorious mythological beasts that have appeared in many pieces of literature throughout history. Unfortunately, not every creature can be as cool as Medusa (snake-hair) or a Centaur (horse-dick). Allow me to introduce you to 5 of the LEAST popular characters from Greek mythology:
The Telchines were the original inhabitants of the island of Rhodes. They were very skilled metal workers–they made Poseidon’s trident!
In addition to metallurgy, they excelled in controlling the weather, and also had the ability to shape-shift. It’s easy to see why they would want to shape shift, as they had fish hands (fins, whatever) and dog heads.
Pictured: a typical Rhode Island resident
Zeus, however, was angered by some of the things the Telchines used their abilities for, and the Gods eventually decided to kill them. There are varying stories regarding who exactly killed them, though some claim that Poseidon did it.
Whoops! Shouldn’t have made the trident so sharp!
Here’s the thing about mythological creatures: they almost all shape-shift. It’s as if the Greeks are bad at describing appearances, but even worse at being told they’re wrong. Therefore: shape-shifters. Which brings us to Empousa: the shape-shifter with taste. She takes the form of a beautiful woman, in order to seduce men before eating their flesh.
She is known for walking with a limp, as one of her legs is made out of bronze. You read right–she can shape shift, but still managed to end up with a fucked up leg. If that’s a deal breaker, rest assured that in other tellings of the myth she has a completely normal… donkey leg?
You said you wanted some ass.
Mormo is sometimes described as a spirit, and other times as a female vampire (yet ironically never
described as a shape-shifter). Mormo was feared all over the land due to its reputation of biting bad children. Only bad ones.
So it’s really more of a vigilante or anti-hero than a straight up villain.
Seriously though, just bad kids. Could there be a ghost with a more oddly specific MO?
He bites so hard they grow a single mutton chop.
Yes! Apparently there is
a ghost with a more specific task than Mormo–Taraxippi are a type of spirit that scare horses. Yeah, just horses. Rather, just horses that are at a horse race
The race-course [of Olympia] has one side longer than the other, and on the longer side, which is a bank, there stands, at the passage through the bank, Taraxippos, the terror of the horses. It is in the shape of a round altar and there the horses are seized by a strong and sudden fear for no apparent reason, and from the fear comes a disturbance. The chariots generally crash and the charioteers are injured. Therefore the drivers offer sacrifices and pray to Taraxippos to be propitious to them.
There’s no official consensus on which person(s) the taraxippus is the ghost of, though some credit Glaucus of Pontiae, who was torn apart by his own horses. He seems like a pretty likely candidate, really.
I know what you did last harvest.
While it isn’t in the stories, it appeared often on pottery and shields. How did this silly little guy end up on shields, you (didn’t) ask? He was meant to promote laughter and drive evil away.
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[insert horse cock joke here].