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3 Shocking But Real Human Sacrifices (in the Last 50 Years)

Ziggy cartoons are getting graphic.

Ziggy cartoons are getting graphic.

Human sacrifice is a practice so ancient that we don’t even learn about it in high school–we learn it in middle school.  We take it for granted as a relic of the past, something that happened way before Jesus’s fossils were discovered by the dinosaurs. Yet as we know, history has a tendency to repeat itself (or just continue happening while we ignore it).  Behold, three cases of human sacrifice from the past 50 years.

 

India
Child en route to smash her mother's head in.

Child en route to smash her mother’s head in.

 

Sumitra Bushan lived in Barha, a small impoverished village in India.  After her husband left her, she faced a lifetime of servitude in the sugarcane fields.  She also had to raise her two sons, who were too old and unbecoming to be adopted by an American celebrity.
Barha is notorious for its sugarcane, but their second leading export is superstition–which explains why she came to believe she was cursed.
She sought a Tantric to relieve her recurring nightmares of Hindu goddess Kali.  While Tantrics are known for yoga and weird sex in America, they are traveling holy-men in India.
I love sex, but can we skip the orgasms tonight?

I love sex, but can we skip the orgasms tonight?

He instructed her to kill a chicken to appease Kali.  The goddess, who had apparently eaten a late lunch at KFC, was not pleased, and the nightmares continued.  It was time to take things up a notch. It’s not like they could go out and kill an innocent little puppy, so they decided to sacrifice a boy from the village.
After luring him into the house with whatever little Indian boys like (Indiana Jones DVDs? The Indy 500?) and began the ceremony.  Sumitra’s oldest son recited mantras and waved incense (they were out of Fabreeze), while the younger son grabbed a knife and, well…
He pretty much looked like this.

He pretty much looked like this.

The next morning Sumitra told villagers that she found the dismembered boy outside.  The villagers may have been poor and superstitious, but they weren’t retarded, so they beat the sugary shit out of the sons until police arrived.
Liberia
"Anybody approaching this tree stump will be PROMPTLY EATEN."

“Anybody approaching this tree stump will be PROMPTLY EATEN.”

Milton Blahyi was a notorious rebel commander in Libera’s civil war.  He was better known as General Butt Naked, a nickname he got from leading his men into battle nude. Ladies and gentlemen, that is the least weird thing about the man.
He was first exposed to killing when he was ordained ‘traditional priest’ of his tribe, at age 11.
He convinced political leaders to let him perform human sacrifices. “They asked me to do it in secret; but some of the sacrifices are supposed to be as a ceremony; so my boys and I made some of the sacrifices in the open.” On at least one occasion they ate a boys heart.
Dramatic reenactment.

Dramatic reenactment.

Eventually he was charged with war crimes, and–wait, no–his opponent in the war, Charles Taylor, went to trial for war crimes.  The child-eaters seem to have been the good guys in this battle.
General Butt Naked’s actual fate? He became an Evangelist priest and goes by the name Joshua.
"Next one to call me Priest Butt Naked gets sent right to Hell!"

“Next one to call me Priest Butt Naked gets sent right to Hell!”

Chile
Y'know what would fix this? Murder.

Y’know what would fix this? Murder.

On May 22nd, 1960, the largest earthquake ever recorded occurred in Chile.  Tsunami waves occurred for 22 hours. A landslide blocked the outflow of Rinihue Lake. The next day, volcanic mountain Cordon Caulle erupted.  And just kept erupting.
"Baby I swear this almost never happens!"

“Baby I swear this almost never happens!”

The area was in shambles. In June, a local tribe of Mapuchi Indians decided to make a sacrifice to the gods.  They beat a 6-year-old with a stick before ripping his heart out and throwing it in the ocean.
Here’s the crazy thing: As soon as the ritual was completed, the volcano suddenly… kept on erupting until July 22nd.
Google Images has nothing on "heart being thrown into ocean," so here's this.

Google Images has nothing on “heart being thrown into ocean,” so here’s this.

I realize this was slightly more than fifty years ago, but “50 Human Sacrifices (in the last 53 Years)” made for a shitty title.

Matt Pass would sacrifice himself for a twitter follow or an email.

StaffREGRETFULMORNING Writer
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