Regretful Morning

This Is Why You Don’t Stick Your Dick In Crazy

Posted April 29th, 2013 at 10:06 am by

Alexius Keys

The best advice someone ever gave me was “never stick your dick in crazy.” Naturally I didn’t listen. I don’t think any of us do. This young man for example could have avoided a near-death experience. The woman pictured above is 20-year-old Alexius Keys.  Like most bat shit crazy ex-girlfriends, Alexius wasn’t too happy about getting dumped.

Police were called to the 400 block of Rutledge Street in Park Forest about 6 p.m. Thursday after Keys saw her former boyfriend driving with his new girlfriend, according to court documents. After seeing the couple, Keys rear-ended their vehicle, causing them to stop and get out, Assistant State’s Attorney Anthony Gattuso said.

But the fun didn’t stop here. Alexius backed right over her ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend and then dragged her with her car. His new girlfriend received a broken arm, some back fractures, a bruised lung, rib fractures, and a layer of skin was scraped off from her back to her butt.

But she said sorry, so that makes it all better right?

Keys collapsed during her bond hearing, then was taken out of court as she shouted, “I love y’all” and “forgive me,” to family in attendance.

I know the title of this article says “never stick your dick in crazy” but if you’re looking for some excitement in your life, simply find a girl with a jealous streak and bipolar disorder. It’s almost better than an action movie.

Alexius is being slapped with an attempted murder charge and has a bail of $750,000.

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