Regretful Morning

Frequent Fliers Might Start Having Farty Flights

Posted February 22nd, 2013 at 11:00 am by

Around here we like farting almost as much as dick jokes.  Farts are funny.  But if you’re someone who has to fly a lot, they won’t be for long. A Danish gastroenterologist by the name Jacob Rosenberg decided to study the effects of holding back your gas while on a flight.

“(Holding back) holds significant drawbacks for the individual, such as discomfort and even pain, bloating, dyspepsia (indigestion), pyrosis (heartburn) just to name but a few resulting abdominal symptoms,” the study stated.

The study then goes on to say that the pilot should probably hold his farts…

Despite giving the all-clear for passengers to “just let it go,” researchers warned that pilots shouldn’t let one rip while in the cockpit. “On the one hand, if the pilot restrains a fart, all the drawbacks previously mentioned, including impaired concentration, may affect his abilities to control the plane,” researchers said in the study, according to AFP. “On the other hand, if he lets go of the fart, his co-pilot may be affected by its odor, which again reduces safety onboard the flight.”

OK Pilots, don’t bust ass because we don’t want the plane to crash, but also prepare to expect the smell of shit to be wafting through the cockpit anyway. Your flight attendants just served tacos, and your passengers just don’t care. Thankfully, the study took in to account that planes would now essentially be giant flying fart tubes.

“We humbly propose that active charcoal should be embedded in the seat cushion, since this material is able to neutralize the odor,” researchers stated. The study also found that the average person passes gas up to 10 times a day and that a woman’s fart smells worse than a man’s.

So what have we learned from this study?

  1. It’s good to fart on planes
  2. Not if you’re the pilot
  3. Charcoal in the seats might mask the odor
  4. Bitches be stinkin’

Thanks New Zealand Medical Journal!  We’re looking forward to your next study.

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