Regretful Morning

Watching An Episode of Dexter Is Like Taking A Dump

Posted December 12th, 2012 at 12:00 pm by

Everyone loves Dexter.  It’s fun that you can actually root for the  crazy guy, watch some dude’s get ganked, and finally enjoy a show with your girlfriend at the same time.  Bitches love Dexter.  Today I’d like to discuss the show, but from a different angle if you will.  If you’ll indulge me, I’ll take you through the four steps that an average episode covers.  Each step directly coincides with taking a shit.

The Urge To Kill (Dark Passenger)

umad?

If Dexter doesn’t hack someone up for awhile, he gets very irritable.   He says it’s his “dark passenger” needing to kill.  Picture yourself eating a huge carne asada burrito and the way you feel a few hours later.  Now let’s say your boss is being a cunt and for whatever reason you can’t go take a dump.  That carne asada burrito lumped up inside your large intestine is your version of the dark passenger.  The longer it stays inside you, the more it controls you.  You could care less about customers at this point.  The only thing you want right now is that dark passenger to GTFO.

Sweet Release

When Dexter finally plunges that massive knife into the chest of his victims he usually lets out a long sigh of relief.  His dark passenger has been satisfied.  His urge to kill is gone for the time being.  This is the same way you feel when you finally drop that triple rattler into a toilet that will surely need therapy.  Your dark passenger is gone.  But not for long.  Tomorrow morning after your doughnut and Starbucks, he will return.

Clean Up

Once Dexter has finally gotten a kill, he needs to clean up his kill room.  In this case, your asshole is the kill room.  Like Dexter, you don’t want to leave a trace of evidence behind.  He usually wraps his victims in plastic, and does one last check to make sure he didn’t leave any DNA at the scene or on his hands.  You’ll do the same thing, only with toilet paper.

Dispose of the Evidence

Now that Dexter has satisfied his dark passenger and cleaned his kill room, he needs to head out to his boat the”slice of life.”  From here he’ll travel about five miles off the coast of Miami to dump the body.  You get to skip some steps on this one by simply flushing the toilet.

Conclusion: The writers over at Showtime have clearly thought this through.  Taking a huge shit can be euphoric.  They know that once your brain starts to put the two together you’ll start to get the same feelings after watching an episode of Dexter. Once you watch an episode, you can’t stop.  Just like you can’t stop when that turtle head starts peeking.  This is basically how they’ve been getting such good ratings.

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