As a working man in the 21st century, getting laid can be a serious task. When you’re done with an 8 hour shift, the last thing you want to do is compete against a bunch of other dudes to take home the local bar sluts. You’ll end up spending money you don’t have on a “roll of the dice” when you could be at home playing Battlefield.
Think you’re alone? You’re not. Today I’m going to teach you how to get laid using nothing but an internet connection.
Setting Up Your Profile
Spend a few minutes to go through all of the free dating sites (OKCupid, POF etc) and make a standard profile. Don’t try to be flashy or take any shirtless mirror pics. That screams douchebag. Between 3 and 5 pictures of you smiling or having a good time will suffice. Keep your actual profile to a paragraph or less. Do not mention sex or even joke about it.
Create An Outgoing Message
Girls on dating sites are getting smarter and they can spot copy/pasted messages from a mile away. This doesn’t mean you have to send personal messages to each girl (that takes way too long). What you need is a standard opening line followed by something you see in their profile. “Hey, I saw your profile and was pleasantly surprised to see you don’t use the word “shawty.” Now quickly find an interest that you might be able to hang with. “I saw you like True Blood, what did you think of last season?” Always end messages with a question. Use correct grammar. Make a schedule that you blast out at least 20 messages per night. Once you get the hang of it, you can bust through this in 10-15 minutes.
Prepare For Rejection
Most dating sites are 70% male users. You’ve got a lot of competition, and even the fat girls have been hit with every single pick up line in the book. The good news is, a lot of these clowns have zero education. I know this because a few female friends have shown me how they get approached. Proper grammar will take you far into the bonus rounds as far as the screening process is concerned. If you’re blasting out 20 messages per night, count on between 1 and 5 replies.
Lower Your Expectations
You’re looking to put your penis into a vagina, not find a wife right? Cool, stop skipping over the ugly girls then. These fillies get far fewer messages, so the chances of a reply will be greater. I’ve already explained why you should date a fat girl at least once, so keep that in mind as well.
Location
So you’re at the point where you two future f*ck buddies want to set up a first date. The number one thing girls on dating sites hear is “why don’t you come over so we can watch a movie?” That’s code for “let’s boink.” Always pick something simple where you can order a couple of drinks. Try to keep it within 15 minutes of your house though. If you do get close to sealing the deal on the first date, a 20 minute cab ride can give her too much time to reflect on the bad choice she’s about to make.
Conclusion
Can you get laid using dating sites? Short answer, yes. I’ve used mathematics to find an average response and success rate for intercourse. Out of the 20 messages per day that you send, between 1 and 5 of those will get responses. Every 5 responses ends in a date. Every third date eventually leads to the goods. At a worst case scenario, you will be placing your penis inside 1.5 vaginas per month. If you end up juggling more than that, don’t feel guilty. These young ladies are more than likely multitasking between 2 or more boner insertions while dating you. Just remember to glove up, and share your success stories with us.
