Regretful Morning

10 of the Worst Animal Attacks

Posted September 8th, 2011 at 6:44 pm by

Animals: whether they are delicious or interesting to watch, they are wild creatures of nature. Much like Linsday Lohan’s libido, you can’t control them and you shouldn’t even try. Here are 10 reasons you should keep your kids away from the circus, the zoo and anyone with a pet too big to strangle with your bare hands.

Private Zoo Tiger Maul

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In Iowa, origin point of the Ames poll and presidential candidates with crazy eyes, a private zoo became no match for the resident tiger. Why you would want to keep a ferocious tiger in Iowa is unknown. Tigers hate corn and they apparently hate being kept in cages by this guy. He left a gate open during feeding time, provoking the tiger to attack him from behind. Luckily for him (and unfortunately for the animal), the tiger had been declawed and was chased off by the man’s wife before making a meal of him.

Pitbull Attack

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Some dogs are small, cute and lick your face, while others are inappropriately trained to eat your face. Sadly, this is the case of a pitbull in California that killed its pregnant owner. So not only should you not let your wife do a lot of heavy lifting while she’s pregnant, you should probably not leave her in charge of an angry animal in heat.

Lions Shake Their Trainer

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Lions were made to run through the savannah and rip out the throats of gazelle, not to perform like trained monkeys at a circus. Not even monkeys were made to perform like monkeys at a circus. Was anyone surprised when a group of lions finally snapped in the middle of a three ring circus in the Ukraine? What next? Stuffing them into the clown car? The Huffington Post calls this incident an ‘accident’, but there’s nothing accidental about an unhappy animal lashing out against its evil overlord slaveowner.

Underwater Attack

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The underwater animals will taste you, too. A veteran trainer at SeaWorld in Orlando was killed by a Killer Whale when the animal grabbed hold of her ponytail and dragged her beneath the water’s surface. Imagine that, a KILLER Whale killing someone… After all, it wasn’t called “Cute and Fuzzy Whale that Enjoys Playing With You”.

Angry Llama

Llamas are already kind of nasty, with their camel-like spitting and their goat attitudes. Is this really the kind of animal you want in a petting zoo? Unfortunately, it is. Wouldn’t a stuffed animal zoo be just as effective? The kids wouldn’t know. The llama in question kicked over a 75-year-old woman and trampled her with the help of two surly goats. The woman suffered more than five broken bones as a result of this attack.

Pet Takes Snack Too Far

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Having a pet that can kill you is kind of like having a car that might burst into flames at a random moment. Sadly, a Nebraska man found out the hard way that pythons have a deadly hug. Did you really think your apartment could substitute for the snake’s natural habitat? You know what can’t strangle a human and eat him? A goldfish.

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