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10 Laughable Urban Legends We Wish Were True

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It’s camping season. And camping season means that you’re about to hear some cool shit around a campfire. Most of it will be BS, but that shouldn’t take away from a story’s awesomeness. Here’s 10 stories you will probably hear this summer that are complete horseshit, but we wish they weren’t.

Getting Pretty for the Doctor

This story has been passed around in many forms over the years, mainly because it’s too cute not to retell.

A woman had an appointment with her gynecologist and wanted to be extra fresh for her exam. After showering she grabbed her daughter’s can of feminine deodorant and gave her crotch a good spray. All set.

When she gets to the doctor’s office and has her feet up in the stirrups, the doctor comes in, pulls back the sheet for the exam and says “Hmmm.. Fancy” and proceeds with her exam.

Later, the woman tells her daughter that she borrowed a squirt of her feminine deodorant. The daughter informs her that she does not own a can of feminine deodorant. So what did mom use? It was a can of spray glitter.

Extra-Strength Tampons

While shopping at a discount retailer, a woman found a great deal on a box of tampons. However, when she got to the cash register, the cashier couldn’t find a price sticker on the box and used the PA system to call for a price check.

Another employee at the store heard price check request, but instead of “Tampax” he thought he heard “thumbtacks”. To clarify what the cashier needed a price check on, he used the PA system to ask “The kind you push in with your thumb, or the kind you pound in with a hammer?”.

Progesterex: Rapists’ Miracle Drug

Progesterex is a fictional drug said to be used to sterilize horses. An email hoax with a warning to college girls circulates from time to time. According to this tall tale, a single dose of progesterex will sterilize a woman for life and the drug is being used in conjunction with date rape drugs, just to make sure the rape victim doesn’t become pregnant.

Family Dinner

Reverend Newton Day, self-ordained minister of the Blessed Children Church in Australia, was positive that his cute kids could convert satanic cannibals. He packed up his wife and three daughters and set off to meet their new friends in New Guinea.

Day and his family were promptly killed, cooked and eaten by the tribe.

High-Powered Pumping

There are people in the world who enjoy an activity called “pumping,” which typically involves using a standard bicycle pump to deliver a blast of air into the rectum. Apparently this creates a temporary euphoria.

A 13-year-old boy in Thailand had the bright idea to use a stronger air pump to do his pumping. He told his friends he was going to try the compressed air hose at the gas station. They dared him to do it, and as the story goes, he did.

He inserted the hose into his ass, then dropped his coin into the slot on the machine. The effects were instant. He exploded.

REGRETFULMORNING Writer
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