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8 Things We Somehow Knew Before The Internet Existed

As a child from the 80’s I often look back and ask myself “how the hell did we do that?”  Before smartphones, laptops, forums, and iPads, we still knew how to get a number, fix electronics, and pirate shit.  I seriously don’t know where I’d be without Google + broadband today.  Nevertheless, here are 8 things we managed to do like a boss, without the help of the interwebz.

 

Pirating Music

If you are older than 25, there is a good chance that you are an OG pirate.  We didn’t have isohunt, Napster, or IRC, but we had cassettes and and radios.  You really haven’t pirated unless you’ve sat in front of your stereo telling the DJ to STFU because they always talked over the first part of the song.

Blow on Nintendo Cartridge

When your NES used to act up, you knew exactly what to do.  How did you know that blowing air into the cartridge would fix it though?  “My friend showed me” right?  Well, where did he learn it?  Ponder that.

Biology Research


Before Yahoo, we had the library.  In that library we had dictionaries, encyclopedias, and other books that we’d scour through in order to get our papers written.  Not gonna lie, I was a C- student at best.  When I did finally get a PC + internet combo I started pulling A’s.   One time I even copy and pasted an entire article with hot links and everything.  Nailed it.

VHS record

Without Hulu, Youtube, or DVRs we somehow still managed to get our shows watched, recorded, and archived.  That is until your little sister taped her dance practice over your Simpsons finale, earning her a WWF style pile driver in the living room.

100+ Lives In Super Mario

Before the Gamepro’s, G4’s, and the Gamespots you still knew how to get 100+ lives in Super Mario Bros.  Level 3-1, represent!

Where To Find Porn

Tool sheds, your dads stash, and “the back room” at the video store have now been replaced with a simple visit to Spankwire.  What was once a paper cut is now carpal tunnel.  The end result remains the same.

The Kunami Code (30 Lives in Contra)

If you don’t know what the above code means, then I’ve got crusty tube socks older than you.


Memes

We didn’t haz a Cheeseburger, a rage comic, or a reddit, but we still knew that pulling our shirts over our heads and yelling “I am the great Cornholio” would get us a few lulz.

Conclusion: The internet made everything 10x easier, but we got by without out it.  So next time you’re about to /ragequit life because Comcast is down again, remember this article, then find an old JC Penny catalog for a nostalgic fap session.