I saw a post about why you shouldn’t date a stripper the other day. It gave almost the same reasons that Guyism tells you not to date a porn star. I’m here today to say f*ck that. Summer is right around the corner and you’ve been a recluse all winter long. It’s time for you live a little. And by live a little I mean, this will probably mess you up emotionally for a long time, but it will also carry with it some kick ass stories. So when you’re ready to grab life by the balls, I’ll give you 7 legit reasons on why dating a stripper would be groovy.
She Has Hot Friends
Every stripper has hot friends. A lot of the hot ones are strippers too, but there are few diamonds in the rough who you will want to hit up long after shit hits the fan. Also, hanging out with hot chicks makes you feel awesome. You can’t try to bone them right away, stay in the friend zone for as long as possible. In fact, don’t even talk shit about your ex. Eventually they’ll have a fallout and you can be like “I wanted to warn you but I didn’t want to come between your friendship.” Chicks love a guy with integrity.
Dudes Will Envy You
Have you ever been chillin’ in a Target line and all of a sudden see a goofy looking neckbeard with a smoking hot chick? That’s probably a stripper, but you don’t care because you’re too busy asking yourself “why is that banging hot chick with that scrub?” Well, that scrub is going to be you if you date a stripper, and men everywhere will be thinking this about you.
Strippers get paid to at least “look” like they can give you the ride of your life, come back for seconds, and leave you in fetal position sucking your thumb. For the most part, strippers = crazy. And you know what they say: Crazy in the head = Crazy in bed. Try not to let it get into your head that she has been railed by more pro athletes than you can shake a stick at.
Can Get You Into Places That You Could Never Get Into Alone
Hot girls move to the front of the line, every time. Sure the bouncer might roll his eyes at you but you’ll still make past the velvet ropes.
Low Self Esteem
So you can pretty much fill out the entire 4chan Bingo card, big deal. Your girl has daddy issues which means that in her eyes, she’s an even bigger loser than you. And that, my friends, is good for your self esteem. Inb4 “omg ur shallow”
Has Your Back If You Ever Get In A Fight
You will get into fights when you have a hot girlfriend, even if you don’t want to. Don’t trip though, your girl will have your back no matter what the outcome. Sure you’re probably going to get owned but she’ll be tearing into your opponent like a Honey Badger. Eventually her screams will attract white knights who will destroy the guy who just knocked you out.
Every Other Girl You Date Will Seem Normal
If you actually land a GF who strips, you’re bound to see emotional breakdowns that you never before knew existed. Drama to a stripper is like chocolate chips to a cookie. They need each other. Years from now you won’t even notice hardcore PMS from your wife. It’s like a Navy SEAL going from spec ops to a weekend paintball event.
Conclusion: Think of this as a learning experience. You will thank me someday.