61-year-old Mr Lozanov was getting completely hammered with his homeboy, Lyubomir Todorov outside of his crib near Plovdiv, Bulgaria. At some point Mr. Todorov wanted to show off his recently learned Ninja skills, and busted out an extremely sharp Samurai sword. I’m sure you can guess what happened next.

He might be dickless, but Zaprian Lozanov is sacking up to get his sword slinging, weiner whacking friend out of jail.

He told me he was a martial arts expert – he was whizzing it around his head. I went to try and take it off him before he caused an accident – and then he slashed it in front of me. I thought he’d missed but then I felt a burning pain and collapsed. He’d sliced the sword through my trousers and lopped off my penis.

Lyubomir Todorov got 6 years for the incident but Lozanov is helping him get out of jail. He wants Todorov to get a new job so that he can buy him a new penis.