magnifier menu chevron-left chevron-right chevron-up comment chevron-up chat_bubble_outline2 share thumbs-up thumbs-down chevron-down

5 Valuable Lessons I’ve Learned Trying To Bang Girls Online

||

Banging girls online isn’t as easy as it looks. However, if your expectations are low, and you don’t mind a little crazy, then you should be good to go. Before you start trolling for hoes, here a few types that you are bound to come across (literately, if all goes well).

Don’t Message Me Just To Hookup = Total Slut


In a lot of profiles you’ll see the same type of “Don’t message me if you are just lookin’ to get laid, I ain’t that kinda gurl, blah blah” line.  This basically means that most guys have hit it and quit it on the first night, and/or she gets a ton of “let’s have sex” messages.  However, if you act like you’re actually trying, and want to be with her, there is a very good chance that your first date will end in the old “we had some drinks and one thing lead to another.”

All Angled Poses In Profile = She Will Be Fat


If you come across a profile that has zero full body shots and a bunch of weird angled (looking up at the camera with a duck face) pics, you should automatically add 15-30 lbs.  If you like fat chicks like myself, then this won’t be a problem, but a lot of guys end up like a deer in headlights after meeting their dates for the first time.

They Are All Dating 3+ Other Guys


About half of the girls on dating sites (especially the free ones) are bigger players than you will ever be.  If you think that you’re the only guy that she’s getting porked by, then you need to look in the mirror and start laughing at yourself.  Try not to let it get in your head that just yesterday, another penis was probably inside the same mouth that you are kissing.  It will only psyche you out.

If She Agrees To “Watch A Movie” At Your House, You Will Get Laid

What was ur name again lolz

Every single girl (even the dumb ones who misspell everything) know that “wanna come over and watch a movie?” is code for “wanna come over and get a vagina full of boner brew?”  If you get shot down after going in for the kill, it only means that you haven’t added enough alcohol to her drink.  inb4 “omg that’s like date rape, asshole.”

You Will Be The Other Guy And Not Know It


Many of female are on dating sites because they are bored with their relationshits.  The easy solution would be to meet up with some like minded swingers, but they don’t want to attract “creepy guys” so they set themselves up as “single” to lure you in.  Spotting a married girl is pretty easy: Last minute meet ups, fast exits, and quickly deleted dating profiles are all signs that you could be dealing with a married chick.  This really isn’t so bad until Grizzly Adams kicks down your door and beats your ass for boinking his wife.

Conclusion: Dating sites are approximately 70% male.  This means that most girls are getting cock thrown at their facial areas faster than they can bat them away.    If any of the above bother you, then you should probably stop trying to get laid on a dating site.

REGRETFULMORNING Writer
  • More From Us