Regretful Morning

The darker side of golf

Posted April 22nd, 2011 at 3:20 pm by

Name: Sara
Age (at the time): 27

So my boyfriend and I had a pretty open minded sexual relationship. We were always into trying new things, but I had no idea that a funny porn video I sent him would bite me in the butt.
I sent him this video that another friend had sent me of a guy boning two chicks. I thought he would love it because the guy plows one of the girls in the ass. But wait, it gets better. While this B rated porn star is railing this girl’s bottom, he grabs a set of golf balls. Needless to say a quick pull out of his “club” and in goes a neon green golf ball. He reinserts, pumps a few times, and then the girl pushes it out. Not onto the ground, but into the mouth of the other girl she was 69′ing at the time. The guy actually blurts out “yeah baby a hole in one”.

Long story short, my boyfriend watches this video and gets a crazy idea. “what if we try that?” he says. Me being the open minded girlfriend I am I reluctantly agree. So we go at it, golf ball(slopped in lube) makes a painful entrance into my back end. Not to bore you with the details, but it doesn’t last long and I’m ready to be done. So naturally I assume that my ass should do what the gaping hole of the porn star’s ass did and push that ball out with ease. So I push, and I push and I push. I was pushing like the Big Bad Wolf was blowing down the Three little pig’s houses.

The ball wouldn’t come out. Panic sets in. What do I do now? I wiggle, I shake, nothing is working. Then it hits me, squat! So I get in the catcher position and I begin to feel movement. The feeling of needing to go sets in too so I move to the bathroom. Luckily that feeling was just of the ball making its way out. I hunker down and push!!!! Plop, the ball is out. I breath a sigh of relief turn and see the ball sitting at the bottom of the toilet and without hesitation I flush it.
We laugh it off, I swear never to do that again and we call it a night. We wake up early the next morning to a knocking on the door.  It’s the maintenance man. Turns out something clogged the water pipe during the night and cause it to burst so the building was going to be without water. Opps!

Dear Sara, I’ve read everything from Tijuana hookers to vomit covered vaginas in the 3 years that I’ve run this site.  But a golf ball lodged inside an asshole is definitely a first.

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