Is winter over yet? Not quite, but spring break is right around the corner. When Winter turns into Spring time it’s kind of like a 90 pound white girl having her first sexual encounter with a black dude. The first few months are painful, but eventually that sun will blow it’s warm, bountiful rays of vitamin D all over your face. That was my first attempt at a metaphor in a long time.
On to the good stuff. Here are 5 things branded to Spring Break that you will never grow tired of.
In America, we aren’t as liberal as some of you guys across the pond. We have a certain set of silly rules that restrict our women from exposing bare nipple in public. They can however, use a sticky piece of colored paper to cover up, making them completely legal. I know, it’s total bullshit, but our women shave so that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. PS – I know most of you Euros shave now too, I was at a nude beach in France and saw a 60 year old lady with a shaved snapper. fap? No I didn’t get naked because I’m circumcised and didn’t want to be the black sheep.
Wet Tshirt Contests
My buddy’s sister is pretty hot. She signed up for one of these a few years ago and we were sure she’d win. She didn’t. Do you know why? Because the girl who did, pulled off her shorts and started fingering herself on stage. Girls will always try to one up each other at these things. Add that with a lacking father figure and you’ve got yourself enough spank footage to last you all summer. Yea I had to censor it, but I didn’t censor the wet tshirt gallery in the nsfw section.
If you’ve ever been to Lake Havasu, you can attest that visitors will see a bro fight within a few minutes after parking. These guys look awesome and they have funny girlfriends who start screaming and try to jump in thinking that they’re going to do more than get pushed down. Check out these bros getting knocked out last year.
Ridiculously Sexy Bathing Suits
I had something really funny to say about hot chicks in bikinis but some fat mom is letting her kid scream right outside my front door and I’ve just lost all concentration, so here is a pic instead.
MTV Spring Break Performances
Gavin Rossdale Sings in Monsoon – Watch more Funny Videos
MTV is terrible now. It has been for awhile. It wasn’t always like that though. Remember Dan Cortez? MTV Sandblast? MTV beach house? When Fred Durst and Limp Bizkit were a bunch of no namers but still got the crowd going? As cool as all of those were, the best Spring Break MTV performance still goes to Bush. 1996, the rest of the band clears the stage because the rain was coming down hard. Gavin Rossdale looks out to the crowd and says “if you stay I’ll stay” and then he busted out the best live version of Glycerine, ever.
Conclusion: Have fun this year, wear condoms.