A lot of panties got ruffled after I wrote “4 Reasons Being An Internet Slut Isn’t As Cool As You Think.” For some reason, a lot of people *cough girls who won’t stop emailing me* saw it as a way for us to attack females who enjoy getting banged a lot. This simply isn’t true. We have embraced and commended sluts on their behavior since day one. The problem is, most of you noobs who got offended can’t read, so I’ll go ahead and make some large bullet points, with easy words.
We shouldn’t judge sluts because…
They Turn Frowns Upside Down
Let’s say your buddy just got dumped. The first thing that a good friend says is “Let’s get him drunk and laid.” Who do you think is going to bust him out of his funk? I’ll tell you who it won’t be: The girl looking for “something real.” No, the slump buster is just waiting for you to tell a funny joke, buy her a lemon drop, and pretend like you don’t care that she smells of cigarettes. The bar slut is a goddess.
I don’t having anything clever to say, so here is a picture of Shyla Stylez.
Sometimes You Don’t Wanna Wait Three Dates For A Piece Of Ass
The standard panty dropping math = 3 dates. I’ve showed you this equation before, but here is a refresher course. If a date = $50, then 3 dates = $150. That’s a lot of time and money that I don’t have, just to release a load of boner brew.
They Get Enough Shit From Their Own Gender
Other girls hate sluts. It isn’t because they care about the woman’s movement, or the bond two people should share before becoming intimate. It comes down to attention. All girls want it, sluts get it.
They’ll Teach You How To Do Something Cool Between The Sheets
A few years ago I had a two hundred pound Orca piled up in my bed. I could tell I needed to step it up because it felt like a hotdog down a hallway. I saw her eyeballing the flashlight on my desk, so I’m like “please be thinking what I’m thinking.” She gave me the nod, the rest is history. Yes, I stuffed an entire maglight into her love hole, and she looked like an epileptic having seizure while I went to work. Then when she unleashed her woman load, the light came out like a projectile dart. Since that night, I have tried to ram my silver maglight into many other vaginas (don’t worry I washed it), only to be rejected beyond belief. Do you see what I’m getting at? Sluts let you live the dream.
Conclusion: Sluts serve an important role in society, and they’re also responsible for a lot of funny stuff we write about (see exhibit A). So next time you think about using the word “slut” as a derogatory term, please think about how much they do for mankind.