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The brown that didn’t flush down

Name: John Savage
Age (at the time): 17

I went to this epic party, where I got absolutely hammered. As it started to finish I decided to walk home despite the 3 and and a half miles that separate my friends house from mine.

About 2 hours later I finally got home. Undressed I’m my sister’s bathroom, puked in her bathroom, flushed and went to bed. The next morning I woke up to my father’s voice saying that I had to clean up the bathroom.

I thought he was talking about the clothes. He was actually talking about the pieces of shit that littered most of the bathroom floor. In my drunken stupor I had tried to shit in my sister’s swivel top trash can.

Dear John, a lot of people would call you a pig, but not me.  See, when most people get as hammered as you did, they will shit on the floor regardless.  You actually tried to be a good person by number two’ing in the toilet.  You merely made a small miscalculation.  My only question is: Didn’t you start to wonder what was up when you went to flush, and your turd just sat there staring up at you?