Regretful Morning

8 People You Hate at the Grocery Store

Posted December 4th, 2010 at 1:11 am by

I know it’s the holiday season and I should be smiling from ear to ear and farting out Christmas carols, but as the house starts filling up with family members, I find myself having to make a lot more trips to the store. I never thought I’d find enough people to rage over at the grocery store, but this week has proven to me that I can.

Loud Ass Shitty Kids

If you are a parent with loud kids, I want to hear from you.  Why do you let them scream like that?  Is it because you’re afraid that CPS will take them away if you swat them on the ass?  I was a bad kid, but I also knew that if I didn’t shut the fuck up, I would get owned hard.  No one will get mad if you put your loud kid in check.

Blackberry Texter Who Runs Into Stuff

This guy just downloaded an app and has decided that he’s going to play with it, and roll his cart down the frozen food aisle at the same time.  “Was that your foot?  My bad.  This new app makes fart noises.”

People Who Just Stare At Shit

It shouldn’t take five minutes of staring and being in my way to realize what flavor of hamburger helper you want.  Even if you read every single flavor label twice, it should only take you two and a half minutes.  If you’re going to zone out, do it in the parking lot, you’re taking up space, wasting my time and pissing me off.

Person Who Has No Idea How To Use Self Check

Don’t know how to use a self check?  That’s cool, but don’t bring your full cart through when you have no idea wtf you’re doing.  You’re now going to make the front end lady completely stop helping others, who just had one or two items, to help you get your giant cart of shit out of the way.  Stop doing this.

Mom Who Is Trying To Teach Her Kid How To Use Self Check

Yes, I know your kid is going to be the next Good Will Hunting, and you think we find it cute that you’re teaching your little snowflake how to use the scanning thingy.  News flash: We want to go home and we don’t give a shit about your kid.  Get him the Fisher Price store simulator for Christmas or something, but please just ring your shit up and go.

Person Who Rolls A Full Cart Into The ’10 Item’ Line

This person is either ridiculously stupid or extremely rude. Everyone knows that either the first or last lane is usually reserved for 10 items or less. The little sign even says “10 items or less.” Yet for some reason, I always see a turd of a person, pushing their full cart through this line. If you do this, fuck you.

Loud Cell Phone Talker

Cool story, bro. But honestly, I can hear how awesome you are from three aisles over. That can only mean one thing…you want me to. Which in turn can only mean, you aren’t awesome at all. I am 100% right on this. People who are loud want you to hear them talking to friends. They want you to hear how badass their weekend was. This is because they have low self-esteem. Next time you witness this, hug them, they need it.

Salvation Army Bell Ringer

I feel bad for posting this but it’s kind of true. The bell ringers aren’t hardcore Nazis like the girl scouts but like them, they are also secretly judging you.  Here’s why: They have 3-5 people ringing that bell from Thanksgiving until Christmas.  If you drop a dollar in when one person is working, the other 4 bell ringers you constantly pass will think you’re a cheap skate because they never saw you put your dollar in.  Also, not to be a dick to the Salvation Army, but are they even making money?  If you’ve got two people ringing bells for 8 hours a day, making making minimum wage, you’d have to spend a lot of money.  Min wage = $8.  $8 x 8 hours = $64 x 2 people ringing bells = $128.  Are they really making much more than $128 per day? And if the bell ringers are volunteers, is it really worth having them stand outside in the freezing cold begging for spare change?

Conclusion: All of this stuff pisses me off, but now I’m starting to feel like a big grinch asshole.  In fact, I almost deleted this whole thing, but the pictures are kinda cool, so fuck it.

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23 Comments
  • Jeremy
    December 4, 2010
    Reply


    #1

    Loud Ass Kids….. I used to think the same thing as you. However, now that I have one, I will never say anything bad about any kid screaming in a store. You never know what state the kid is in (hungry, tired, etc…..) and the reason for them being tired. Don’t preach unless you have the experience to back it up.

    • Jason
      December 4, 2010
      Reply


      #2

      Yea, with a toddler that’s usually normal. I’m talking about the kids who are old enough to know better and the awful parents who just sit back and let it happen.

    • Dumpster
      December 4, 2010
      Reply


      #3

      Jeremy, that’s why I don’t hate on the kids, I hate the parents who take them to the store when they are overtired, hungry, cranky and just ready to be little assholes. And yes, I have a child. :)

      • Jeremy
        December 4, 2010
        Reply


        #4

        Good call.

        • Cain
          December 5, 2010
          Reply


          #5

          Well as long as we have child coddling wusses hanging out in the line with us, we can’t beat our kids anymore. When I was a kid, acting like that would have put my consciousness in severe jeopardy, but now, PUSSIES run our government and want them on pills instead. EFF that… Like Katt WIlliams said, “Parents it is time to stop beating our kids…. PUBICLY”. So I let them act the fool when they are in the store, then I beat them silly in the car.

          • Penis Fly Trap
            December 5, 2010
            Reply


            #6

            My son learned at a very young age that if he wanted to act like an asshole we would leave wherever we were at immediately. If it was my fault, as in if he was hungry or tired, I took care of it (I tried never to take him out like that, but shit happens). If he was just trying to be a brat and test the limits, he’d get a smack on the ass or back of the leg in the car. In any case, it’s the parents’ responsibility to make sure the kids are well rested, well fed and well behaved. Whatever it takes to achieve that is fine by me. I hate spanking kids, but in a warranted situation I think it has to happen and it’s not child abuse by any stretch of the imagination. Letting them run wild and grow up without any manners is not being a good parent and is beneficial to no one.

          • Shade
            December 6, 2010
            Reply


            #7

            Right on.

  • Alien Perfume
    December 4, 2010
    Reply


    #8

    Yes, I agree that the Salvation Army bell ringers are judging me…

  • Jeremy (A different one)
    December 5, 2010
    Reply


    #9

    Aren’t Salvation Army workers volunteers? I don’t know/care, but I’d think any charity-esque organization would have volunteers do the shit.

    • Dumpster
      December 5, 2010
      Reply


      #10

      That was my thought as well. I feel so sorry for them standing out in the cold begging for my spare change when I never carry any cash and don’t have anything to give them.

    • Jason
      December 8, 2010
      Reply


      #11

      Confirmed: These people get paid. The lady I talked to said there is only one volunteer out of the 5 who work there.

  • case of the ass!
    December 6, 2010
    Reply


    #12

    1 i hate the shit out of the cell phone person and god help em if they run into me.
    2 i double hate that lady trying to teach her kids at the self check out. (you’re not cute bitch)
    3 mr loud cell phone guy just gets ignored, they hate that more then if you give them shit “I AM invisible,sob sob sob…why couldn’t you just hug me dad?”.
    4 i don’t know what the hell you guys are talking about. if my sons get out of line in public (or other wise) they know they should be expecting a swat on the ass.

    • tom
      December 6, 2010
      Reply


      #13

      More dads should be like yyou

  • Luci
    December 9, 2010
    Reply


    #14

    “People Who Just Stare At Shit” I’m one of those people, unfortunately. It’s just so hard to decide with so many choices :S

  • Ryan
    December 15, 2010
    Reply


    #15

    Not to be a dick, but most of the Salvation Army bell ringers are either employees of the store (so they don’t make any extra money ringing the damn bell) or they’re volunteers. It’s rare to actually find a bell ringer that gets paid.

    • Jason
      December 15, 2010
      Reply


      #16

      Ryan, I confirmed that they do get paid. The lady I talk to said they only have one volunteer. None of them work at the store. Maybe it’s different where you live.

  • P Smith
    June 25, 2011
    Reply


    #17

    The Slavenation Army are assholes. They tell the poor, “NO RELIGION = NO FOOD”. How much of a cunt do you have to be to demand people take your religion before you help them? That’s like demanding sex from a woman whose car broke down in a desert or you won’t help her.

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