Now I’ve told you about how a ‘can’t’ is really a ‘won’t’, I have a p.s. to that:
‘Maybe’ means ‘No’
Wow, whoever knew this “girl talk translation exercise” would be so complicated, right?
Let’s start off with the bad news- a ‘maybe’ is more often than not a ‘no’. This is because people (not just girls) often struggle to have the confidence to say ‘no’, because it creates a socially awkward situation. Think of all the times instead of just saying ‘no’ to a Salesman, that you’ve made some kind of half-useless excuse such as:
“I’d love to sign-up but I’m just too busy, I’ll get back to you later.”
“I’m sorry, I just can’t afford to right now.”
“That’s a great product, but I’ve already got one just like it.”
Ok now through a slight stretch of the imagination you can see how that Salesman metaphor applies to dating. In this scenario of asking a girl out, so often you will inadvertently become the Salesman. Think about how the typical guy asks a girl out: guys often make the mistake of physically and vocally mirroring a salesman when they feel like they’re ‘asking’ for something from the girl.
The feeling that the girl may not really be into the ‘product’ (that’s you!) that is on offer means that they feel almost apologetic for even asking a girl to ‘purchase it’ (date you). This is sub-communicated through their body language and tone that starts to sound like a Salesman whose desperate to close the deal: you’ll start to speak more quickly, the tone of your voice will shoot up and more often than not your posture will resemble that of a beggar’s to boot.
Often the lack of confidence in the girl’s desire to want to date you often creeps out in how you ask for a date:
“Would you be free at all on Friday to meet up?”
“Can you let me know when’s the best night for you for me to come over?”
These are not the words of a sexy Casanova but a desperate Salesman!
So unsurprisingly, just how you politely decline a Salesman by giving him a ‘maybe’, so as not to crush his soul any further, a girl will give you a ‘maybe’ as well:
“I’d love to come out Friday, but I’m just too busy, I’ll get back to you later.”
“I’m sorry I just can’t afford to go out this weekend.”
“You’re a great guy, but I’m kind of already seeing someone.”
Now you can recognize when you’re acting a little like a Salesman let’s think about ways in which you can correct this:
Let’s start by working on the external salesman behaviors that you could be adopting. Next time you’re about to ask a girl on a date, or even approach her for the first time, I want you to run through this mental checklist of what to do:
Slow down. Confident people who know that you’re going to want to ‘buy’ speak slowly no matter what they’re saying. In contrast someone desperate for a sale will speak at the speed of light.
Don’t raise the pitch of your voice. Chat to a hot girl in the same tone in which you would speak to your best friend.
Check that you posture is upright, shoulders back, chest up, stride confidently and don’t you dare raise your hands, palm up, in a begging pose.
Next let’s think how we’re going to phrase asking for something. The trick really is not to ask but to state. You want to assume that the date or phone number is going to happen. So instead of saying “Can I…” or “Could you…” or even “Would you…” let’s start sounding a little more like the ‘sale’ is definitely going ahead:
“Let’s grab a drink at Rock Bar on Friday night.”
“I’m getting sushi with some friends Friday- you should drop by.”
“I want to go to see The Tourist. Saturday is best for me. I’ll do you a deal: I’ll buy the popcorn if you wear something hot.”
These statements vary from nonchalant to down right cocky: but the key point is that you arrange a date that suits you and (this is crucial) that you are non-plussed if she says ‘maybe’ or even ‘no’. You need to start seeing yourself as the iphone of products, a cool, luxury item, that everyone wants. So instead of selling yourself short, by being apologetic when asking for a date, start to focus on all the reasons why a girl would want to date you. When you date a girl you’re giving her your valuable time, your intelligence, wit, humour and (if she’s lucky) your body: so quit focusing on all you’re asking of her and instead realize all the value that you’ll be giving to her.
Once you know your own self-worth and value (start seeing yourself as the Mac Pro not a toaster FFS) then she will respond to that by saying ‘yes’ a lot more.
For more tips on how to change your self perception and work on being a better Seduction Salesman check more of Hayley out at puatraining.