Ask a girl: How to turn a ‘can’t’ into ‘can’


Hayley is better looking than me, has a vagina, and gives better advice.  Thus, she will be the one teaching you clowns how to get laid from now on.  Let’s see how she turns a “can’t” into “can” when you’re ready to take your date back to the old stabbin’ cabin.

It’s been a wonderful evening: you’ve eaten at an Italian chain restaurant, drunk the second cheapest bottle of wine on the menu, and gazed lovingly into this girl’s eyes for the past two hours. You’ve listened patiently to how she feels about her job, and you’re sure your legs were touching beneath the table, but when you suggest that it would be easier just to get a cab back to yours, you always get hit with the same response:

She bites her lower lip, looks up shyly and murmurs, “I can’t.”

Before you can understand how to change that ‘can’t’ into a ‘can’, you first have to realize that what she really means to say is ‘won’t’.

In reality there are very few times when a girl logistically, really, definitely can’t go back to your place. However often when we hear many of life’s can’t’s:

“I can’t because I’ve got work in the morning”

“I can’t because I’m kind of seeing someone”

“I can’t because my pet dog is, like, really sick”

Often we try and address the logistical solution to the problem instead of questioning why there isn’t enough desire there for her to have made the compromise of ditching work/ her boyfriend/ her friends/ her pets:

“Let me just look on google maps: yeah, I thought so, my house is actually nearer to your work than yours is. And I can give you a lift in the next morning.”

“He’ll never find out: I promise I won’t tweet about it or anything.”

“Maybe you can Skype your dog from my house? To check in on him??”

Trying to offer logistical solutions to why she ‘can’t’ do something often makes you sound desperate. Besides it’s not really that she’s got an early start the next day that’s the problem: if the desire is strong enough people will make the logistics work. Personally, I’ve done some crazy things in the name of hooking up with someone: ditched another date to pursue a new one, traveled on a night bus to the depths of London at 1am, got a flight to New York… not to mention routinely going without sleep!

So next time she says ‘can’t’ understand she means ‘won’t’:

“I won’t because work is tough at the moment, and I value my sleep more than having sex with you.”

“I won’t because I don’t fancy you enough yet to risk being caught out having an affair.”

“I won’t because you really turned me off over dinner when you picked your nose, so now I’m going to make up some lame excuse about my dog being sick in order to get away from you.”

As soon as you start to realize that whilst good logistics (you chose to meet up really close to your apartment so she could crash, you met up on a Saturday night so that she wouldn’t have work the next day) can help in getting laid; they mean nothing unless you’ve created enough desire for her to want to sleep with you.

So next time you get hit with a ‘can’t’ think of this:

Did you create enough comfort through having deep conversations about her sick dog for her to trust you?

Did you create enough attraction by making her smile, whilst remaining effortlessly ‘James Bond’ cool?

Did you make her feel sexual by touching her seductively? Or did you compromise the chances of her coming back with you for a night of passion with an OTT, slightly awkward, make out session?

Address these issues of desire first and foremost, and you’ll find that she can call in sick to work, cheat on her boyfriend, and even overcome your nose picking habits.

For more information about how to get a girls to say ‘yes’ then check out Hayley’s advice at

Hayley Quinn Xx

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