Regretful Morning

7 Midnight Snacks That Won’t Make You A Freshmen Fatass

Posted October 18th, 2010 at 5:38 pm by

Now that you kids have been in college for awhile, you’re about to experience the beat down of “midterms.” Everyone has told you the horror stories about packing on a sh*t load of weight once you hit college, but you haven’t yet, so you think it’s a myth. It isn’t, and you’re about to feel it’s wrath.

How do I know this? Because you should be studying, but instead you’re browsing through our archive of half naked babes, trying to find the one that makes it tickle in your shorts.

That’s cool and everything *fist pump for the page views* but tonight you’re going to end up falling asleep with an AMP energy drink in one hand, and a hot pocket in the other while trying to study.  For the next few weeks, you’re going to snack and cram, it’s inevitable.  But before that happens, we’re going to drop a few healthy hints your way, so you don’t look like a complete freshman fatass before Christmas.

Snack Bars: Granola bars or any other fruit bar

Nature Valley is a lifesaver.  Replace your desk drawer stash of “bite sized snickers” with these, ASAP.

Cereal: (No not the good sh*t)

Sorry bro, Lucky Charms and Fruity Pebbles don’t count.

Grilled Cheese

With some minor substitutions you can make a fairly decent meal out of a cheese sandwich.  Skip the sliced American cheese and go for a part-skim cheese with whole grain bread.

Chips and Salsa

Go for the low sodium/spicy combo.  Spicy foods increase sex drive as well.  An increased sex drive = more fapping, and fapping burns calories.  See the logic?
Baby carrots and Low Fat Ranch

This picture doesn’t do them any justice.  Baby carrots are awesome, even if they look disgusting.

Turkey Wrap

Spread some cream cheese on a tortilla, roll up a few turkey slices, enjoy healthy ownage.
Mac n Cheese

Try a healthier alternative from Kraft like Annie’s Natural Classic Mac n Cheese that doesn’t require a ton of butter.

Conclusion:  You’re going to put on some pounds no matter what, it’s just up to you how out of control you wanna let your gut get.

Co-written by Tara from, your go-to website for getting your paper done on time.

Around The Web

  • Bryan
    October 18, 2010


    American Cheese is neither American, nor cheese.

  • Cary
    October 19, 2010


    when eating mac n cheese late at night, it isn’t the butter that you need to worry about, it’s the carbs from the pasta and the saturated fat from the cheese.

  • Misc
    October 19, 2010


    this is the worst article ever.
    Mac&cheese is never a healthy late night snack

  • jackie
    October 19, 2010


    Yuk! Eat chips ahoy with cool whip i eat it and I very thin and sexy

  • caramelo
    October 19, 2010


    Hotdogs! thats the best snack did you know you could microwave them?

  • LIeS
    October 19, 2010


    This article is horrible. More like “cheap meals” for the starving student.
    None of this shit is good for you OR low calorie.

  • jordan
    October 19, 2010


    What the hell! who made this article cause you obviously know nothing about nutrition. Everything other than the baby carrots was completely unhealthy for you, nothing but sugars and carbs, which in turn make you fat, more so than the fat content of the food. I actually thought this was going to be a good article because of the hot chick eating something healthy, then when you actually read it you find out that the banana was healthier than anything on the list.

    • Jeremy
      October 31, 2010


      Yeah but they’re hella delicious (other than the baby carrots) so shut the fuck up.

  • Eric
    October 20, 2010


    For many people it’s not just a case of getting active. It’s all dependent on your current state, and what you actually want to gain from a substituting a particular midnight snack! Why not cut them out all together and get some well earned sleep?

  • fix laptop screens
    March 12, 2011


    How can you make a grilled cheese without american cheese?? Theres no way that qualifies as a grilled cheese sandwich.

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