Age (at the time): 17
OK, so my friend is throwing this party for our senior class because..hey we were fucking seniors.
anyways, his house is wayyy small and there is only one bathroom that pretty much everyone was using.
So I didn’t drink much considering I didn’t want to have to sleep over at this tiny little house and I wanted to remember this party and thank god I did. I was probably the most sober person at this party to be able to tell you the complete story.
So there was this girl and no offense, but she was kind of the well known whore of our senior class. Let’s call her Candy.
So Candy gets shit faced. She had like a bajillion tequila shots and chugged half a bottle of vodka.
I was designated to keep an eye on her so no one tries to rape her and what not (I still don’t remember how I got stuck with this job) and so basically I had to follow her around for the rest of the night.
She said she had to go to the bathroom and at this point, I’ve never seen anyone more drunk than she was. I pretty much had to carry her into the bathroom line.
So its finally her turn to go to the bathroom and I asked her if she could go in there by herself. I wasn’t volunteering but I was going to have one of her girlfriends go in there with her but she insisted she was fine so I waited outside the door for her to come out.
Half an hour later she is STILL in there and I’m pounding on the door to get her the fuck out of there but she locked the door. Finally I opened up the door with my driver’s license and an instant horrible smell hits me. I open the door all the way and I see candy lying on the floor passed out.
Then I noticed the rest of the bathroom.
During that half hour, Candy had managed to shit EVERYWHERE. I’m talking EVERYWHERE. I woke her up and asked her what the fuck happened and all she said was, “I tried to clean it up” before passing out again.
So basically, Candy here tried to shit in the toilet but missed and then tried to clean it up by smearing it all around and throwing it all over the place. The shower, the ceiling, the mirror..EVERYWHERE.
of course, since this is high school, the story spread like wildfire.
Now when anyone sees her (including me) all we say is, “She shit EVERYWHERE.”
Dear RyRy, that is fn disgusting (in like a hot way). I have never seen a grown woman shit herself but it’s in my top 10 list of things to see, believe dat. Also, it’s a bummer you’re not a ficophiliac – this story could have had a different ending.