As far as relationships go, we all come to a point where we want to fulfill our partner’s fantasy. The problem is this: Your better half is going to want to do shit that will make you say WTF.
So let’s say you’re at that bridge and your girlfriend looks at you with dreamy eyes and says “I want to place ______ into your asshole.” First you need to ask yourself the following:
I had anal sex with my GF because
- She wanted it
- We both wanted it
- I wanted it and finally talked her into it.
If you circled the third option, then it’s time to bleach that cornhole and watch Shawshank Redemption.
Tip #1 – Have A Few Drinks
There are reasons why you get less injured when you’re drunk and fall down, as opposed to being sober. Your body sort of just goes with the flow. This is going to be the same case with your sphincter.
Tip #2 – Don’t Let Her Skimp On The Lube
Make sure your turd cutter is completely greased up. Catching an edge of your taint could lead to serious injury. If your lady friend says “STFU I will just use spit, bend over and take it bitch” then you need to explain to her that you want to explore her fantasy, but you do not want to risk your health.
Tip #3 – Take A Dump + Shower Beforehand
If you never want to take part in this backdoor fantasy again, then completely ignore this. Taking a massive triple rattler all over her satin bed spread is a sure fire way to mortify her beyond belief. However, if you’re actually trying to make this experience pleasant for her, take a few extra steps in making sure your plumbing is clear and smelling decent.
Conclusion: This is going to suck and you probably won’t like it. Your GF puts up with a lot of shit though, and if taking a trip down your dirt road will make her happy, then bi-god you should at least give it the ol’ college try.
Thanks to Pegeen on FB for the article idea